


Baby Blue: Part 5

by thesecretdoor



Series: Baby Blue [5]
Category: Johnny's Entertainment, KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-30
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-10-18 18:44:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 34,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10622865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesecretdoor/pseuds/thesecretdoor
Summary: They knew that moving forward would be hard, but with each hurdle the happiness they deserve seems further and further away.





	1. April 3rd 2015

**Author's Note:**

> I made the decision to keep Koki in this story. My main reasoning being that I've already broken canon by keeping him in it past the date that he left on, and a particular plot point that will be coming up soon, wouldn't be very realistic without him. There was a perfect opportunity for me to write him out of it at the beginning of this chapter, but I just didn't want to and I'm sorry to anyone that disagrees with me keeping him as part of the group.

A year is a long time, a lot can happen in a year. For KAT-TUN there had been three singles, an album, a tour and another 3-month long run of their own variety show. For Ueda himself it had felt like an even busier year, he'd seen the weddings of two of his close friends, the birth of his sister's second child and the natural deaths of three of his retrievers.

But by far the most surprising development of the year had involved not him, but his his best friend. Nakamaru had, for the last nine months been in a serious relationship. The woman in question, Mariko, was a non-celebrity, and rather perfectly for Nakamaru, a curator at the Yushukan military museum. Nakamaru had dragged him along twice that summer more for the purpose of seeing Mariko than the exhibit itself.

Ueda hadn't been with him when Nakamaru actually plucked up the courage to talk to her, but it seemed they'd hit it off right away and within a few weeks they were dating.

Ueda sat on the sofa, rubbing at Choco's wiry old head as Nakamaru wandered around the room, picking up stuffed animals and jigsaw pieces. “Do you ever think about having one of your own?” Ueda asked curiosly.

Maru paused, a slightly startled look on his face as he pondered the pink elephant in his hand. “I think three is already quite enough.” The afore mentioned three were Mariko's chilren, two girls and a boy, all under ten. Their father had passed away, Ueda had been told, three years ago while on the job as a fire-fighter.

It gave Ueda a lot to think about. Maru had been so mature and gentle about the whole situation, he'd been as good a father figure to them as he could be in his naivety and he'd never once said a bad word against raising someone else's children.

Ueda wondered what might have been if he'd have been so gracious the previous year, if he'd been as understanding when his boyfriend's pregnant ex had shown up on the doorstep. He let out a sigh and shook his head, ignoring the silly smile on Maru's face as he seemed to look through that little elephant and back into some memory.

It didn't matter how he'd acted, however selfish and stupid he had been, none of it mattered because Taguchi loved him, they'd forgiven each other whatever hurts they'd caused and they were together.

Taguchi was waiting at his kitchen table when he returned, he stood up and let his magazine fall shut in favour of pulling Ueda into his arms “Did you have a nice day with Yucchi?” he asked, lips pressed against Ueda's forehead.

“Mmm.” Ueda hummed, everything else seeping out of his mind in favour of the sensation of Taguchi all around him. “He said you have to call him about that survival thing or something...” he continued before the message had chance to seep away too.

“Later.” Taguchi hummed back, his arms wrapping tighter around Ueda's shoulders until Ueda could feel the deep rise and fall of his chest.

He felt like he'd never get used to it, the excitement Taguchi's body stirred inside him, the way his strong arms simultaneously comforted him and awakened something deep inside, desire perhaps, hunger, desperation.

He gasped softly as Taguchi's lips drifted down his temple and Taguchi's body moved away enough for him to bend and meet Ueda's lips with his own, barely a kiss, more a brush of lips, but it was enough to have Ueda's opening, a silent plea for more.

No more words were needed as Taguchi gently edged him backwards, kissing him gently the whole time, further and further until Ueda's bedroom door swung shut behind them.

Taguchi reahed for his shirt, pulling it slowly up, prying their lips apart only long enough for the thin cotton to pass between them and onto the floor. Then their lips were back together, long slow drags that did nothing to satiate Ueda's desire as Taguchi's hands dropped to unfasten his trousers.

When they dropped to the floor, Taguchi followed with them, leaving Ueda's mouth entirely too quickly, but there was no room in his mind for complaint when the those lips appeared again, kissing across his stomach and down towards the waistband of his boxers.

The sensation made him squirm, the cool air tickling against the wet patches left in the wake of Taguchi's lips and tongue, setting fire to them.

“Junno.” he whined when the younger made no move to travel lower, despite Ueda's more than obvious desire to have him there. Taguchi chuckled throatily in response but he moved down all the same, mouthing at Ueda's erection through the cotton of his underwear. He couldn't help a surprised moan when lips turned to teeth, the scraping just the right side of wrong through the material and he had to hold out a hand to steady himself on Taguchi's shoulder.

Taguchi let out a contented hum and let go of him, pulling himself up to his feet and tugging off his own clothes before edging Ueda back towards the bed, where Ueda lay down compliantly.

He shuffled back into the middle of the bed and watched eagerly as Taguchi peeled his boxers off him, his hands running back up his naked legs and over his hips to the smooth muscle of his abs. His sharp inhale caused his stomach to dip and Taguchi's hand followed the curve of it, a quiet groan sounding in his throat.

“Junno...” he whined again, his voice softer, needier and Taguchi looked up at him, smiling in that 'cat that got the cream' way Ueda loves.

“You're beautiful.” Taguchi answered eventually, his eyes flitting down Ueda's body, drinking in his nakedness, his excitement, while all Ueda could do was lay and wait, watching as Taguchi lowered his head to kiss teasing trails along his thighs.

He waited as patiently as he could, but he knew from experience that Taguchi could quite easily drag it out for hours, kissing what must be every square inch of his body, but after three busy days of work, Ueda was ready for something more.

He reached out to the side himself, knocking his alarm clock and picture frame or two from the night stand in his search for the lube he kept there, ready for moments such as these. “Don't tease” he pouted as he threw the tube in Taguchi's direction, but the smirk he received in response said nothing other than challenge accepted.

There wasn't much he could complain about, they did have all evening after all, it was just that Ueda was too impatient, and more notably too aroused, to just lay and relax as Taguchi eased his fingers slowly inside, one after the other.

He bucked his hips back against the intruding digits as best he could, but Taguchi was expecting it and slowed his pace in response until Ueda was whining in frustration, ready to reach down and take his cock in hand himself.

“Ok baby.” Taguchi conceded eventually, taking the time to thrust his three fingers just a few more times, and then he was moving up, his lips attaching to Ueda to muffle the relieved moan as he pressed himself inside.

Ueda let out a long, low groan as Taguchi pushed all the way in, pausing for a few moments when his hips met Ueda's thighs and then Ueda sucked in a breath as he drew all the way back out again.

He opened his eyes to stare his displeasure at Taguchi, but the younger man just chuckled and pushed in quickly, stealing the breath from Ueda's lungs.

Taguchi's own groan echoed out in the silent room and Ueda smiled, hitching his legs up a little further and then complying as Taguchi pulled one of them over his shoulder, thrusting harder.

Ueda cried out in pleasure at the angle, but the sound of barking dogs silenced him and he had to bite into his own arm at the next thrust, muffling his moans. He felt like he could finish from just Taguchi's cock alone, but impatience and need took over him and he shoved his free hand quickly down between them, stroking himself in time with Taguchi's quick thrusts.

“Junno.” he gasped out in warning, clenching his eyes closed and biting into his arm again to muffle his noises as, too soon, he spilled forcefully over his fingers.

Taguchi moaned with him, more breathily and then when Ueda's body began to tremble he released his leg, letting it fall back to the bed before nudging Ueda's arm away from his face to kiss him again.

Ueda flicked his tongue out lazily against Taguchi's, pulling more moans into his mouth from Taguchi's until finally Taguchi spluttered out a gasp and fused their mouths together, his body rocking with his orgasm.

“I've missed you.” Taguchi murmured into his temple, peppering kisses down his face as he slid out of Ueda's body. Ueda stretched out, sated, and hummed in agreement, wriggling a little at the feeling of Taguchi's release inside him.

“Stay tonight.” Ueda whispered back. “I've missed you too.”

Taguchi chuckled softly as he rolled away and out of bed, but Ueda was already mostly asleep by the time he returned from the toilet, slotting in beside him and cuddling up close.


	2. April 4th 2015

“What are you thinking about?” Taguchi murmured, his eyes opening to find Ueda laying beside him, his brow furrowed in concentration.

“Maru.” Ueda answered bluntly and Taguchi couldn't hold back his snort.

“Then maybe I didn't try hard enough last night”

Ueda rolled his eyes and swatted at Taguchi as the younger rolled over onto him. “I didn't mean like that.”

“Still” Taguchi almost purred, “It wouldn't be a bad idea to chase the thoughts of him out, right?”

Ueda rolled his eyes again though Taguchi could see the way his lips were trying to twitch up into a smile. “Junno, I have work in two hours.”

“It won't take me that long.” Taguchi grinned, leaning down to kiss at Ueda's jaw.

Ueda groaned softly but pushed Taguchi away anyway. “I have to be on the other side of town...traffic this time of morning...it'll take me at least forty minutes, and I still need to shower and have breakfast.”

Taguchi took a moment to ponder it, and his face broke out into a grin “We can multi-task.”

Ueda laughed out loud, something short turning into a gasp as Taguchi's teeth sunk into his shoulder. “I like food but not that much...”

“And how much do you like showers?” Taguchi pushed. Ueda seemed to consider it for a moment but then shook his head.

“Junno, I can't risk being late...it's a live broadcast...”

“Give me twenty minutes?” Taguchi pushed. “I promise, twenty minutes and then I'll cook breakfast while you're getting ready.”

“What about the dogs?” Ueda asked, but Taguchi's lips were already on his collarbones again and he knew he'd won.

“I'll take care of them, don't worry about it, I don't have to be in work until eleven.” he felt Ueda shudder beneath him and he knew there was no more room for argument, he moved the rest of the way on top of him and confirmation of his thoughts dug into his hip. “Are you sure you can wait the few minutes it'll take to get into the shower?”

Ueda groaned as his hips ground down, his erection bumping against Ueda's. “Multi-tasking remember?” Ueda said, more air than voice, and a groan preceded the rest of his words. “Besides, it's been far too long since you fucked me into the shower wall.”

Taguchi had no problem with that, peeling himself quickly from Ueda's body and darting from the bed. By the time Ueda joined him he already had the shower on and heated up.

He heard the door swinging shut as Ueda followed him into the bathroom and then he was climbing into the shower beside Taguchi. His eyes were immediately drawn to the dried semen on Ueda's chest, and the sight of it, the memories it bought back, Ueda writhing beneath him, was enough to have his interest re-invigorated.

He wasted no more time before pulling Ueda towards him, their mouths clashing clumsily together and lips moving impatiently. His hand found it's way to Ueda's hip, pulling him closer and then spinning them around, pushing him back against the wall.

Ueda gasped and arched from the tiles, whether from arousal or the cold, Taguchi couldn't be sure, but he didn't wait to find out, pushing Ueda back forcefully and pressing against him, his teeth nipping at Ueda's lips.

“Junno.” Ueda gasped after a few moments “No time for teasing.”

Taguchi growled against his mouth, nipping one last time before releasing Ueda's lip and bending enough to grip him firmly by the backs of his thighs. Ueda groaned and laced his hands behind Taguchi's neck, holding on tight as Taguchi lifted him from the floor and pushed him back against the wall.

Ueda arched from the wall again, but Taguchi didn't care when it brought them closer together. He waited until Ueda's legs were wrapped securely around his waist before reaching over for the waterproof lube on the soap tray and pumping some onto his fingers.

He didn't hesitate before sliding two straight in, finding Ueda still slick and loose from the previous night, and aiming his fingers straight for that sweet spot that had Ueda crying out into the shower spray and digging his fingers into Taguchi's shoulder.

He quickly added a third, scissoring them a little to stretch Ueda open and then pulled them free, reaching for more lube to coat his cock.

“Are you ready?” he asked Ueda cockily as he lowered him enough to feel the blunt head of his erection, pressing against his rim.

Ueda fixed an unimpressed glare on him but he could feel the way Ueda was squirming in his hold, desperate. He leaned in to kiss the expression from his face at the same time he thrust his hips, burying himself inside Ueda's body.

He set a quick pace immediately, conscious of his time limit and how much of it was probably gone already, but he took a step back from the wall to allow Ueda to lean back, changing the angle inside him.

“Fuck. Junno...faster” Ueda begged and Taguchi did the best he could, bouncing Ueda as much as possible to add to the motion as another stream of curses left Ueda's lips.

As soon as he felt his orgasm building, he shifted Ueda's weight onto one of his arms, pulling him a little closer but keeping him steadier as his now free hand wound down Ueda's chest to take his cock in hand.

He groaned himself at the way Ueda tightened around him, the pressure almost unbearable and he worked his hand faster, knowing he couldn't keep going for long.

“Come on baby.” he moaned, his thumb rubbing over the tip of Ueda's cock with each upstroke while Ueda gasped unintelligible syllables at him, and then he let out a relieved sigh moments later as Ueda constricted around him, hot fluid erupting over his fingers.

He stroked him through it as best he could before returning his hand to Ueda's ass, pulling him down harder as he pressed Ueda back against the wall. He took a deep breath as he felt it coming and stilled, keeping his balance as waves of pleasure seemed to drown him.

Ueda hissed as Taguchi pulled free and then lowered him back to the floor of the shower. “Fuck, maybe I should have showered first, I'm not convinced my legs can hold me.”

Taguchi chuckled and leaned in to kiss him “Maybe I should stick around...”

“No.” Ueda said firmly, pushing him away. “Maybe you should get rid of those filthy ideas in your head and go make breakfast?”

Taguchi pouted but did as he was told, rinsing himself off quickly and slipping out of the shower and pulling on his robe before going to start breakfast.

When Ueda joined him less than ten minutes later, he had that contemplative look on his face again. “What are you thinking about now?” he pouted.

“Maru...” Ueda answered distractedly.

He couldn't help laughing “Really, do we need to go again?”

Ueda turned to him, the look of confusion on his face slipping into something of humour. “Very funny...no, I was thinking of something else...”

Taguchi was all about jokes and light-heartedness, but the partial frown on Ueda's face told him this was something to be taken seriously. “What's up baby?”

Ueda's frown turned even more ponderous at the question, but he shook his head and smiled, taking his seat at the table. Taguchi opened his mouth to question further, but the rice cooker behind him clicked and he turned to take care of breakfast.


	3. April 4th - 5th 2015

“So what was it you wanted to say earlier?” Taguchi asked, digging into the yakisoba he'd made them for dinner.

Ueda shook his head and pointed at the food in front of him “This is delicious”

“UeeeeePi.” Taguchi whined.

Ueda looked up at him, seeming to consider him for a moment, and then he sighed, putting down his chopsticks. “Junno...” he started tentatively. “I want to get married.” Time stood still, Taguchi's whole body frozen with it, his chopsticks floating in his hand, half way to his face while his mouth gaped open. “Junno...say something.”

He had to shake his head to dispel it “What? Why now?”

Ueda looked down at the table, fiddling with his chopsticks. “Maru...” he answered quietly.

Taguchi couldn't hold back his snort. “This is what you've been thinking of this whole time?”

Ueda nodded subtly. “I know...I hurt you so badly last year and I don't deserve a chance like this...but...seeing Maru...the way he is with those kids...how serious he is about that woman...Junno, I love you more than that...I owe you more than that.”

As bad as they say he is at reading the atmosphere, Taguchi could read between those lines well enough. “This is because I wanted to marry you?”

“My views haven't changed” Ueda answered honestly, his face lifting to glance almost guiltily at Taguchi. “I still don't see why marriage is important when it doesn't mean a thing here...but I can see that it's important to you...and that's important to me.”

Taguchi took a deep breath and held it, his eyes scanning Ueda's for any sign of uncertainty. “Do you mean it.”

“Junno...I want to give you anything and everything that I can...I want to marry you. And I want to live with you.”

He put his own chopsticks down. “Tatsuya...this is...I mean it's huge and yes, definitely yes...but...”

“But...” Ueda continued. “If we're going to do this then we have to do it properly, there's a lot that we need to discuss. Most importantly what to do about the agency...getting married and moving in together...there's no way we can keep under the radar they expect and do that...”

“Then what can we do? Would they give us permission?”

Ueda shrugged “We have to try, but we should think carefully about what we're going to do if they won't...we risked our jobs once to be together, and I'll do it again if it will make us happier together, but we have to be aware that it is a risk we'll have to take.”

Taguchi nodded thoughtfully, he had thought it through, before he'd even proposed to Ueda in the first place he'd thought about it and he knew that it was a risk, but to have Ueda's agreement, knowing that it was definitely going to happen made it that little bit scarier. “I'm happy with you, I love you and I love what we have but, this is serious...and I don't see how we can get any further in our relationship without taking this step. I want more...”

Ueda nodded silently. “We owe it to the other members to tell them first, but then we'll go together to see Johnny-san and ask for his blessing.”

April 5th 2015

“What?!” Koki exclaimed at Ueda's announcement, Maru just looked at them, eyes wide, and Kame rolled his with a snort.

“Seriously...after all that fuss before?”

“Well...yeah, I changed my mind...”

“It's Yuuchi's fault really.” Taguchi added when all eyes turn accusingly to Ueda.

“Huh?” Maru yelped as the attention turned to him instead.

“Uepi was inspired by how domesticated you've become.” Taguchi continued gleefully, until Ueda smacked him lightly around the head.

“It's not that...well, not really.” Ueda conceded. “It's more like I saw you trying your best for Mariko and the kids...even if there are things about the relationship that are difficult on you...and I was thinking that maybe I should have been more gracious with everything that happened...and it got me thinking about what's important...”

“Alright Romeo” Koki butted in. “So what now then?”

“What about Johnnys?”. It was Kame that asked the most important question.

“Kame...” Ueda started. “Wasn't it you that told me that if I loved him...loved him more than anything else in the world...”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Kame replied with a sigh “So you're going to tell Johnny?”

It was Maru that squawked next “But...surely you don't think he'll let you get married?”

“There are loads of our sempai that are married...” Taguchi argued.

“Yeah but they're not married to each other...and they're not gay in case you hadn't noticed...gay marriage isn't even legal...” Maru countered.

“Then we don't include the marriage in the official statement, we just announce that we're together and moving in together...but we can't keep it from the agency.”

Koki was shaking his head “I don't know about this...I mean yeah I want the best for you both, you're both really important to me but what about the band...is moving in together important enough to you to risk it?”

They glanced at each other silently but it was Ueda that spoke, directing his words to Maru “Don't you want to get married...move in together and raise her kids as a family? What would you think if somebody told you that you couldn't...that you couldn't even hold her hand in public, or be seen spending time with her outside of your job?”

Maru wavered a little “Guys, I don't know what to say...I mean...I guess...”

“Do you love her?” Taguchi prodded. “Another two years from now, when you've been in love with her for as long as we've loved each other...if she wants to be with you can you really say 'No, I have to think of my career'? Could you be happy without more?”

Maru's eyes lowered and he sighed heavily. “I don't know what will happen two years from now...but, in theory I understand...”

“Then we'll all go together.” Kame suggested. “We'll show Johnny that we're together on this, maybe even threaten to disband if he doesn't at least let you try?”

“Kame.” Koki interrupted. “Don't get any stupid ideas...he could turn around and disband us just for the cheek of it.”

“You don't have to threaten anything...just...just give us your blessing...” Taguchi pleaded. “Koki, KAT-TUN means so much to us you know that...we wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't important to us...”

“Koki...they'd do it for any of us...” Maru chipped in and eventually Koki sighed.

“Fine...let's go see Johnny-san.”


	4. April 5th - 17th 2015

They had to wait almost an hour to see him, but eventually Johnny-san's secretary waved them through.

Ueda took a deep breath as they stepped forward, Taguchi in the lead to push the door open.

Johnny looked around surprised as they filed through. “So it really is all of you. Well, sit down, what can I do for you?”

“Johnny-san.” Taguchi started “We want to thank you, for the support you've shown to Tatsuya and myself in our relationship. It's true that there were a few problems along the way but for the past year Tatsuya and I have been happier than we thought we could be...”

“I'm glad for you both, really” Johnny-san started “but what is it that I can do for you now?”

“We want to move to the next step in our relationship.” Ueda said as boldly as he could manage. “We've discussed it and our intent is to move in together, and to make a trip somewhere together, where we can elope.”

Johnny's eyes widened a little at the announcement. “Oh?”

“And we want your blessing to do it.” he added finally when Johnny made no other sign of continuing.

“You want me to allow you to run away together and get married? And then to move in together?” he clarified, continuing only when the two of them nodded. “I'm sure you both remember the terms to which you agreed in order to gain my blessing in your relationship?”

“We do...” Taguchi confirmed. “And we understand that by doing this we'll be breaking those terms, but...”

“Johnny-san” Kame intervened. “There are other Johnny's that are happily married, with children even...with children that are Johnnys themselves so it's no secret...is it fair to stop Junno and Tatsuya from finding that happiness themselves just because they're both men?”

“I've seen and heard a lot of things Kame-chan, I'm no prude or homophobe but unfortunately the Japanese nation still has it's reservations. It speaks for itself that they're aware they'll need to travel abroad to get married...it won't even be legally recognised in Japan...if the agency comes out as in support of illegal activities what would that do the company image?”

“Then we don't make the marriage announcement official, that...we just wanted to tell you since we didn't want to keep anything from you.” Ueda argued “We know that it won't hold any water in Japan and so we're fine to keep that hidden...but we don't see how we can move in together without telling people about it...if we were to try and keep it secret and people found out...”

“Indeed, that would be bad.” Johnny agreed “But you appreciate that by announcing your relationship to the public you're putting yourselves and the group at their mercy...I wouldn't have a problem with it if not for that fact...”

“Then what about if we put it entirely at their mercy?” It was Koki that spoke up, and all eyes turned to him as he looked down at the ground, fiddling with his fingers “What if we as a group take responsibility for it and if things didn't work in our favour then the company itself would remain undamaged...”

“What do you have in mind?” Johnny asked, his tone interested.

“Well, we could make an announcement and make it clear that it is KAT-TUN's decision to announce it, and then give the fans the opportunity to decide what the fate of the band should be...we won't wait for it to turn into a scandal or an uproar...we just put it to them directly...a poll or something, given the circumstances what do they want the future of the group to be.”

“I like the direct approach.” Johnny conceded. “Of course there will be be media reaction regardless of the outcome...”

“But by putting it to them ourselves we're accepting that...” Koki argued.

“Hmm, I'll consider the options. I would like to know though.” he started, turning to Ueda and Taguchi “Should I refuse your request to make your relationship public...what will your intent be then?”

“We want this...” Ueda stated boldly “We wouldn't have come to you if we weren't ready to stake our jobs on it...”

Johnny raised his eyebrows again and turned to the rest of the group “And you're all OK with this?”

“Johnny-san” Maru spoke up for the first time “They're our friends...more than that, what we feel for them is more than friend, more than brother, it's something unique that we can only call member, we will support them no matter what.”

Johnny sighed. “I see. Well, give me some time to think it through, I'll get back to you all when I've made a decision.” And with a wave of his hand he dismissed them, grumbling something about 'Akanishi' and 'bad influence' under his breath.

They were silent as they made their way back down to their rehearsal room, but as soon as the door closed Taguchi let out a relieved sigh and tugged Ueda into his arms. Ueda let out something close to a content hum and snuggled his face momentarily into Taguchi collarbone, before pulling away shyly to face the rest of the group.

“Thank you.” Ueda said quietly, pulling a decent distance from Taguchi but reaching out to keep their hands entwined. “Koki...what you said...”

“Don't thank me yet.” Koki huffed, his eyes rolling a little. “He hasn't agreed to anything, and even if he does this could be the end of us.”

“Koki” Kame said softly. “This isn't on us. It's them taking the risk, if things turn out badly we'll still be Johnny's. We'll still get acting jobs and appear in company shows...of course I want KAT-TUN to remain as we are but...”

“But we love each other...” Taguchi added. “Koki, you wouldn't keep us from each other right?”

Koki snorted “Yeah right...I remember what it was like when we tried to keep you apart.”

April 17th 2015

It took almost two weeks for the call to come in. Ueda was alone in his apartment when his manager contacted him to let him know that Johnny-san himself wanted to speak to the group. His first reaction was to call Taguchi, who confirmed he'd received the same call.

An hour later the five of them were seated once again in Johnny's office. “After a number of discussions both with your group and individual managers as well as a trusted member of the marketing team we have reached a decision.”

Ueda sucked in a breath and he heard a symphony of other inhales around him.

“As Koki-kun suggested, we will hand the matter over to the fans. If you still want to go ahead with this, then we will postpone your summer tour, we will make an official statement in which you announce your relationship to the fans. In the week that follows we will expose you to whatever media will accept you, to get across your side of the story and for you to try and win their support. For a week following that, we will open a poll to the members of the fan club, offering them the options of having the group continue the way they are, the group continue without Taguchi-kun and Ueda-kun, or to have the group disband. Whatever the outcome we will stick to it.”

“Thank you” Ueda responded, his held breath seeping out with his quiet words.

“Of course.” Johnny started “In order to keep the company image, we will have to take some other things into consideration. Provided that the fans chose to keep the group going in whatever form, we will have to react to media attention and to group sales. I want you to understand going into this, regardless of what the fans decide, you are still a Johnny's group and will be treated accordingly.”

“And if they want us to disband?” Koki asked. “What will happen to us as individuals then?”

“I can't make any promises. Of course if you have done nothing to break company rules there will be no reason to dismiss you, as for what work will be offered, that will depend entirely on who wants to feature you in their productions.” Johnny answered sincerely.

“And what of us?” Ueda asked quietly. “If they choose to let me and Junno go...will our actions be seen as going again company rules?”

“Since we have authorised your announcement and the poll, we can hardly claim that your actions are against company rules, but you should be ready to accept the fact that regardless of whether your fans will or won't support you through this, producers might not.”

It was no less than he'd been expecting, but hearing it put so bluntly shook Ueda more than he'd expected. For one blind moment of panic he wanted to call the whole thing off, but looking around at his group mates, at their determined expressions, knowing what they were risking for his own happiness, gave Ueda strength too. “Thank you, we understand and we appreciate the opportunity you're presenting us with.”

Johnny just nodded, looking to his papers “No dates have been decided yet, it will take a little time to make the necessary preparations, and I'm sure you each have business to straighten out before we get this ball rolling. Your managers will be notified about the plans and aside from postponing your tour, we will not take on any more jobs either for Taguchi-kun or Ueda-kun. Please use the extra time in whatever way necessary to prepare yourselves for the announcement.”

It seemed too fast, the discussion too short, too final, there were so many questions Ueda had to ask but not one of them came to mind as he sat staring at Johnny's expectant expression.

“Thank you for your understanding and your support.” Taguchi's words broke him from his state and he copied the others and stood up, offering his own bow of thanks before filing out of the office behind his band-mates.


	5. April 20th 2015

“I can't believe this is really happening.” Taguchi mused as he lay on the sofa at Ueda's apartment, his feet by Ueda's head.

“Hmm?” Ueda asked distractedly, pushing his glasses back up his nose as he scanned through the newspaper. “Hey this one looks good...ah, no parking space though, we couldn't count on there being enough room out the front for both of our cars.”

“Hey.” Taguchi whined, waggling his feet in front of Ueda's view. “We agreed we'd look together tomorrow.”

“We can.” Ueda responded, swatting at Taguchi's feet. “It just fell open to this place.”

“Yeah right.” Taguchi snorted. “I don't see what's wrong with me just moving in here anyway.”

“I already told you.” Ueda groaned, flipping the page. “There are too many bad memories here, I want a fresh start.”

“Sure there's bad stuff but there's loads of good memories too...even this sofa holds so many nice memories.” Taguchi countered, a grin spreading across his face at the thought of those memories. “If we are going to find a new place we should at least make as many memories as possible while we're here.”

When Ueda didn't respond Taguchi gave him a nudge on the shoulder with his foot. Ueda brushed his foot away. “Junno I'm reading.” he said distractedly.

“Well stop reading. I want attention.” Taguchi pouted, but his pout turned into a grin as Ueda lowered his newspaper and looked at him with raised eyebrows.

“Then earn it.”.

Taguchi wasn't afraid of a challenge so he slipped from the sofa onto the floor, kneeling by the sofa and looking at Ueda expectantly until Ueda gave up and lifted his newspaper back up. Taguchi seized the opportunity for a surprise attack and in one fluid motion lurched forward and pulled Ueda from the sofa. For a few minutes they scuffled, but Taguchi's long limbs won out and soon enough he had Ueda pinned to the floor beneath him, panting. “I win.”

“Fine you have my attention.” Ueda conceded airily, though Taguchi could feel just how much attention he had, a whole lot of it, hard and pressing up against him. “How are you going to keep it?”

There was no fear of losing it but Taguchi played along “By making it worth your while.”. With no more explanation than that he gave Ueda's lips a quick nip before sliding down his body and pulling down his sweatpants. He followed quickly with his boxers and then leaned to lick tentatively at the erection twitching against Ueda's naked stomach..

“So far so good.” Ueda mused, watching him.

Taguchi let his lips fall into a vague smirk, then ran his tongue across his lips just once before leaning down to take Ueda into his mouth.

Ueda's first moan was bliss, but cut short as Taguchi pulled sharply away. Ueda raised his head, his eyes opening to look at Taguchi in disapproval. Taguchi just smiled, pleased for the attention again and let his mouth slide down, sucking softly as his head bobbed.

The instant Ueda's eyes slipped closed, Taguchi pulled off again, fixing a smug grin on Ueda's face that caused Ueda's brow to furrow when he peeled them open once again. “Junno.” Ueda whined. “Why do you keep stopping?”

“I'm keeping your attention.” Taguchi answered simply, lowering his head again and sucking hard this time, his eyes fixed hard on Ueda's until they slipped closed once more. Taguchi pulled off again, holding back a snicker at Ueda's wounded expression and exasperated groan.

“Please...don't stop...” Ueda whined, his tone almost pitiful.

“Then keep your eyes on me...don't let your attention slip away.”

“Your mouth is around my cock...how can my attention possibly be anywhere else?” Ueda answered, his nostrils flaring a little in frustration.

“I want to see it...keep your eyes on me...”

Ueda did as he was told, so Taguchi did as he'd promised, lowering his head again, flicking his tongue against the head of Ueda's cock, teasing him just a little, and then he took it back into his mouth and sucked it in and out.

It didn't take long before Ueda's eyebrows were furrowing further in pleasure, breathy gasps and cries echoing across the room, silent but for the steady slurping of Taguchi's lips.

“I'm close.” Ueda moaned, his eyes fighting to close, but Taguchi kept his expression hard on Ueda's, warning him. “Please” Ueda cried out, and his eyes closed almost to slits but Taguchi could feel the hard length in his mouth twitching, almost.

Ueda cried out as he came, his eyes still partially open, but watering with the effort of it, and Taguchi couldn't help smiling around him, sucking gently until Ueda's hips began to jerk from the sensitivity.

When Ueda flopped back to the floor, Taguchi pulled away, crawling his way up Ueda's body to kiss at his lips. Ueda let him in, a little reluctantly at first, but then their tongues were together and Taguchi knew that Ueda needed it just as much as him.

“Ass-hole.” Ueda snorted eventually, but his hand slipped down between them all the same, snaking it's way into Taguchi's jeans, beneath his boxers and Taguchi let out a high pitched moan as Ueda's hand finally wrapped around him. “I should punish you for that.”

Ueda could have done, maybe he should have done, but he didn't, his hand moving fast, his grip just right and Taguchi was squirming all too soon, the feeling of impending release creeping up too quickly.

“I'm coming.” he managed to gasp against Ueda's lips, jut seconds before his body began to jerk in orgasm. It wasn't enough time for Ueda to pull his erection free from his trousers and with a groan Taguchi looked down between them, at Ueda's sticky hand dragging it's way back out past his waistband. “I should clean up.” he muttered.

Ueda had other plans though, pulling Taguchi over onto his side and snuggling up to him, his arms wrapping around Taguchi's body in a tight embrace. “Later.” Ueda whispered back, and Taguchi's head was nodding before he'd even thought through it.

“It seems crazy.” Taguchi spoke out eventually, his mind running circles even with Ueda sated in his arms. “Soon enough...for better or worse...things could be like this all the time...”

“For better or worse?” Ueda asked, his tone a little distracted, “What are we going to do about our wedding vows? Do you want to go with the standard, or write our own?”

Taguchi hummed in answer, as much as he wanted to think about that, as much as he wanted to start planning their wedding, there was so much left to do before that. “We should visit my mum this weekend.”


	6. April 25th 2015

He hadn't been this nervous the last time Taguchi had pulled up in the driveway of his mother's house. Taguchi looked over to him, giving him an encouraging smile that didn't quite meet his eyes and then together they nodded and opened the car doors.

“Jun, Ueda-kun!” Taguchi's mother greeted them warmly as she hurried along the driveway. “It's been so long since I've seen you both.” Her knowing look was directed towards Taguchi but Ueda couldn't help feeling a little bad about it, it should have been his place to encourage Taguchi to visit his mother rather than monopolising all their days off for himself.

“Mum.” Taguchi greeted her back just as enthusiastically, wrapping his arms around her.

Ueda stood to the side, bowing awkwardly until she pulled him into a hug next. He laughed a little but the nice gesture did nothing to ease the butterflies in his stomach, who knew if she'd still welcome him so warmly once she found out their news.

They'd already decided to wait until after dinner, the last thing they wanted to do was to ruin the whole day but still it had do be done. As much as Ueda wished it weren't so, they were here for a reason.

“Mum.” Taguchi started, clearing his throat as his mother cleared away the pots from dinner, and then he looked to Ueda for approval. They'd rehearsed it a hundred times over already, twice on the drive here alone but the time had finally come. Ueda nodded and looked down at his hands as Taguchi continued. “Could you please sit down? There's something that we need to tell you.”

“What is it dear?” she asked almost anxiously, drying off her hands quickly and moving to sit between them at the table.

“There's something that I've been keeping from you.” Taguchi announced. “I didn't want to, but I couldn't be honest with you...the Jimusho wouldn't let me...only everything is about to change....”

Taguchi's mother looked even more worried as she held out her hand to hold Taguchi's and Taguchi grasped it eagerly, worrying at his lip as he took slow breath after slow breath.

“Junno.” Ueda urged eventually. Taguchi's eyes shot up to meet his own desperately and for the first time since they'd discussed telling their parents, Taguchi looked panicked. “This was supposed to be the easy part remember?” he asked with a shaky laugh but Taguchi couldn't return it, reaching out with his free hand for Ueda's instead.

“Jun.” Taguchi's mum interrupted, but when they both looked at her face, her expression was soft, comforting. “Is this about the two of you?” Ueda felt his jaw drop a little as Taguchi's eyes widened but his mum just gave a short laugh and slapped his arm. “You're scared of telling me that you're together? Give me some credit, what kind of a mother would I be if I didn't figure it out years ago?”

“Years?” Taguchi asked, his hand letting go of Ueda's and Ueda shook his head at that being the part of her sentence he picked up on.

“I see it in your performances you know? When you're happy, when you're sad...when you're breaking apart...I saw it a few years ago and I didn't know what had caused it until you brought Ueda-kun home for Christmas. When I saw the way you two were with each other I knew you were in love.” she explained. “I don't know what happened, why you couldn't be together all that time but I saw the way you both changed, how happy you were for a while...”

“A lot happened...” Taguchi offered in explanation. “I couldn't tell you about any of it at the time...most of it I was too ashamed to tell you anyway, but I will, we just need to tell you something else first.”

Her face dropped into that apprehensive expression again “What is it?” she asked, looking worriedly between the two of them.

“We're going public with our relationship” Ueda stated, leaving a brief pause for the information to sink in but before he could continue Taguchi interrupted him.

“We're getting married.” his voice had been shaking, whether in excitement or nerves Ueda couldn't say but the scream that came from Taguchi's mum was all excitement.

“Congratulations.” she shouted again, getting up from the table and running round to wrap her arms around Taguchi. Taguchi let out a relieved laugh and hugged her back tightly and when she pulled back enough to grasp for Ueda's arm, pulling him into the cuddle too, Ueda could see wet streaks shining from both of their faces.

Eventually the screeching died down and Taguchi's mum peeled herself away to go to the kitchen and find some champagne, or wine at least, she was certain she had wine.

“Baby.” Taguchi whispered, the single word loaded with so much as he pulled Ueda in to kiss him passionately.

“I know.” Ueda whispered back, the words smushed against Taguchi's lips. “There's still so much we need to explain to her...the poll...the...” his words were cut of completely by Taguchi's lips pressing impossibly hard against his.

“Not tonight.” Taguchi insisted, pulling away enough to speak but keeping his forehead pressed to Ueda's “For tonight let's just enjoy it...just for now let's pretend everything is going to be alright.” Ueda nodded, after all the panic and worry, they deserved just one night of celebrating.

“I found the wine.” Taguchi's mum almost sang, dancing her way back to the dining table with a bottle and three glasses. Ueda pulled away self-consciously but Taguchi didn't let him go far, keeping their hands entwined even as they sat back down at the table. “Here's to the two of you.” she announced as she poured the glasses almost full “To over-coming hardships, to fighting for what you want regardless of what anyone else might think, and to a happy future together.”

Ueda raised his glass, clinking it against the other two and drank deep. Tomorrow they could worry about the hardships and the fighting, for tonight they were pretending.

Two hours later when they finally stumbled into Junno's bed after another bottle of wine and few more toasts, Ueda didn't even need to pretend. “I love you Junno.” he giggled, pulling the other man on top of him. “I love you, and I don't care about anything else.”

Taguchi laughed back but nuzzled into his jaw anyway. “Just how drunk are you?”

“Not enough to think this is a good idea, but enough to do it anyway...” he answered, not even sure himself whether he meant what they were planning to do in the long run, or what the hand creeping up his thigh suggested they were about to do right then.


	7. April 26th 2015

“How are you feeling?” his mother asked, handing over a cup of tea.

“Scared.” Taguchi admitted, but the furrowing of his mother's eyebrows made him think she'd actually been referring to the hang over he'd been whining about a few minutes ago. “Sick.” he added, unsure whether that was about the hang over too. “Maybe...” he started but his mum pushed his legs over on the sofa and squeezed on it beside them.

“What are you scared about?” she asked seriously.

He didn't even know where to begin, there was so much to tell her, so much she didn't know and he didn't know how to start. He didn't know where to start with everything that had already happened so he was completely lost on where to start with everything that was still to come, and god forbid she wanted to know his feelings about any of it. “I love him.” he said eventually, the one thing he was sure of. “I don't even know how to put into words how much he means to me...”

“But...” his mother continued for him.

“I could lose everything I've worked for all these years...I could lose my job, my friends, my reputation...if everything else goes, how do I know I won't lose him too?” he paused a moment to think about it, but the thoughts remained a tangled mess of 'ifs and could bes' “We've been through a lot, we've fought through so much that I don't even know how to tell you about...but what if we're not strong enough for this?”

His mum smiled at him softly, reaching out a hand to stroke at his cheek. “Life is all about chances.” she answered. “You wouldn't be where you are now if you hadn't taken any...what you need to think about is if this chance is worth it. It's a lot to risk...going public about something like this...you stand to lose a lot...but if you don't...are you satisfied the way things are? Is Tatsuya-kun? If you don't take this chance...do you stand to lose something more important?”

“My head hurts.” he answered eventually, though he was sure at least part of that was to do with the wine.

“Drink your tea and then try to sleep some more.” his mum insisted, offering him a comforting smile as she got up to leave him.

When he woke again he heard quiet voices from the kitchen and something lifted from his chest as he recognised one of them as Ueda's. He'd left Ueda sleeping that morning and gone downstairs to start trying to explain things to his mother. His chest suddenly felt heavier at the reminder that all of that was still to come, but chivalrously, he swung his legs over the edge of the sofa and padded through to join them.

He stopped dead in his tracks at the sight that awaited him. Both his mother and Ueda were in tears, a pile of soggy tissues littering the table in front of them. When they heard him enter they both turned to him and his mother rushed from her seat to pull him into a hug. “Oh Jun.” she sighed, squeezing him tight. “My poor, sweet, stupid boy.” she continued, pulling away to smack him around the head. “Why didn't you tell me...everything about that girl...I saw the gossip but I didn't think...oh Jun, you're such an idiot.”

Taguchi didn't need to ask. Ueda was sitting at the table, looking guiltily at his hands. “Mum...things were complicated...” he said in explanation, it was no excuse he knew that, but how could he have explained anything to her when half of the time he didn't even seem to know how he was feeling himself.

“Well you can come and sit down with the two of us and explain things now.” she said with finality, finally letting go of him, but taking his hand and squeezing it tightly as she led him to the table. “What were you even thinking getting involved with her when things were such a mess between you and Tatsuya?”

“I wasn’t really thinking.” he answered honestly. “I was in a pretty bad place...and Mayu-chan was there and she thought it would help...and I knew it wouldn't but I didn't think there was anything that would...and she was so nice.” It sounded stupid even to him but Ueda just reached out for his hand, taking hold of it on the table between them.

“Whatever the reason...and no matter how stupid we might both have been, we're through that now.” Ueda said, glancing at Taguchi's mother as he paused. “All of that has only convinced us that being together is what is best for us...we're no good when we're apart...and that's why we need to do this...that's why we need to go public even though it might cost us our jobs.”

Taguchi's mother reached out to place her hand atop their hands. “Whatever I can do to support you both...I'll do it in a heartbeat.”

Taguchi took a deep breath and turned to Ueda. “How far did you get? How much more is there to say?”

“Just about the poll...” Ueda admitted and Taguchi took another deep breath as he prepared to explain their current predicament.

“This is going to be tough few weeks for the two of you.” Taguchi's mother commented once they were finished their explanation. “Maybe a lot longer than that.”

Taguchi nodded. “Yeah, it's pretty scary...I mean we get fan letters saying the fans will support us no matter what...but what if this is too much for them to accept...”

Ueda smiled a little from across the table. “On the plus side we know we have at least a decent sized fujoshi following...”

Taguchi's mother laughed but it did nothing to ease the tension. “Production companies too...regardless of the fan's choices they'll have their own opinions...maybe the publicity will work in your favour...if the general reaction is bad though, you need to be prepared for people to be unwilling to work with you.”

“Yeah.” Taguchi nodded, Johnny himself had hinted enough at that. “It's not entirely desolate...there are a lot of trans-gender celebrities...maybe gay isn't so far a step behind that...”

Taguchi-san shook her head as if to dispel the atmosphere. “What are we doing dwelling on all that now? Huh? We should be looking forward to the good things, to you being able to get married and buy a house together...we should be looking forward to a bright future for the two of you.”.


	8. April 290th 2015

The first time he tried calling his sister was from Taguchi's mother's house. She'd been insistent that Ueda let his family know as soon as possible. She'd suggested his mother first, but Ueda and his mother didn't have the same relationship that Taguchi had with his. Taguchi's mother was gentle and kind and understanding, Ueda's mother was none of those things, she'd provided, but she'd dragged and pulled Ueda and his sister through their childhoods, pushing only when it was to push them away when they needed her most. In a way Ueda wanted to blame her for every mistake he'd made along the way with Taguchi, he knew it was ridiculous and that his actions were his own, hell he barely shared any of his mother's views on anything, but he still sometimes felt like he'd have been better at the relationship thing if she had.

Taguchi's mother was bustling about in the kitchen, humming happily despite the concern she now shared over their future, and he felt bad for blaming his own mother. Taguchi's mother had been everything, done everything she possibly could for Taguchi growing up but Taguchi had still hurt him too.

He was still terrified of telling her though, and when his sister finally answered the phone on his third day of trying to reach her, her words gave him no encouragement.

“Mum will freak.” was her immediate response after he'd explained it all in as much detail as a single breath would allow. “I mean you know how she felt about those two guys that lived in the same apartment a few floors up...”

“What?” Ueda asked, because he remembered the guys, remembered the tuts and the dirty looks his mother didn't even try to hide whenever they saw them. “Were they gay?”

He could hear his sister's amused laugh and pictured the eye-roll that went with it. “I dunno Tat-chan, they lived alone in that apartment for...at least twenty years...they rarely had company and they went out to eat together nearly every night of the week...do you suppose they were just good friends?”

Ueda hadn't known back then what caused his mother to dislike them so much, but the realisation, firstly that they were gay, because Ueda had never even really paid attention to that, and secondly that that was the reason for their mother's distaste, left a sickly feeling in Ueda's stomach. “Well thanks for making me feel better about this whole thing.”

“You have to tell them though...” she said next, her voice lower, sober. “Even if this doesn't make national headlines, Dad follows KAT-TUN's activities pretty closely...it'll hurt him to find out that way...and Mum...well you'd be off the Christmas card list for sure.”

“I imagine I will be anyway.” he answered solemnly. There was no way things would stay the same after this, however they took the news.

“Mum isn't going to like the poll thing either...you know how she hates giving up control...putting all the power in the hands of the fans...that's a pretty bold move...”

“I know.” Ueda agreed, he really did. “But they deserve it...whatever our families and friends think of this, if our careers don't work out then it's the fans we're letting down.”

His sister hummed her agreement. “Tat-chan, I have to go, just...whatever happens I'm proud of you though, seriously, I wish you the best of luck, and happiness, you deserve that much.”

Taguchi was sitting on the edge of the sofa beside Ueda, how much of it he'd heard Ueda couldn't be sure but from the frown on his face Ueda could surmise he'd gotten the gist. “She seemed to take it OK?” he asked.

“My sister isn't the one we need to worry about.” Ueda answered, his own frown deepening.

Taguchi nodded and took Ueda's hand. “We're going to visit your parents this weekend, whatever they say, at least we've done all we can.”

Ueda nodded. “Let's not worry about it just yet though, we have two whole days just to ourselves, lets make the most of it.

Taguchi hummed low in his throat. “Are we talking dog park, or bedroom?”

“Dog park.” Ueda answered with a grin. “Get these puppies worn out and then bedroom for the rest of the night.”

“That sounds like a good idea.” Taguchi beamed, pushing Ueda down onto the sofa and diving on top of him. “I'll have to start thinking of ways to keep you amused for a whole night.”

“Start thinking of ways to keep me amused for a lifetime.” Ueda answered cheekily, but the smile dropped from Taguchi's face, leaving it calmer, his expression softer and yet somehow more intense. Ueda couldn't look away as Taguchi's gaze only deepened, pulling him in and Ueda could feel the strength of it tugging in his chest.

Taguchi leaned down slowly, his eyes fixed intently on Ueda's until their lips met in the softest brush. Ueda exhaled softly, Taguchi's kiss almost winding him as he leaned in again for another, pressing just a shade harder, dragging his lips tenderly over Ueda's over and over.

“I love you.” Ueda said, his voice all air as Taguchi pulled back to look at him again, his fingers moving to rifle through Ueda's hair.

“I'm really going to miss this sofa.” Taguchi replied, his lips quivering into his carefree grin.

Ueda laughed despite himself as he smacked Taguchi's arm with the back of his hand. “Dog park.”

Taguchi got up from the sofa, holding out his hand to pull Ueda up too. “Then bedroom.”

“We'll see.”


	9. May 1st 2015

“So now for the hard part.” Ueda announced with a sigh, Taguchi was still laying on the hotel bed with his PSP in hand as he had been since they'd arrived two hours ago. It wasn't his fault - Ueda had been flittering about the hotel room for most of those two hours, insisting on little things he had to do before he got ready to take Taguchi to his parent’s house.

“Finally” Taguchi answered with an eye-roll, tossing the console to the side and getting to his feet, wrapping his arms around Ueda just as Ueda thought he might lose his nerve. “We'll be alright. How bad can it be?”

“You have no idea.” Ueda answered. In truth, Ueda had no idea himself, but his mother had always been a strict and old fashioned kind of lady and he just couldn't envision this going down well at all. Ueda's mother had always been unhappy at how naturally talented Ueda was when it came to music, she'd pushed him to be something more acceptable...a lawyer, maybe a doctor or an accountant. Ueda's father had always outwardly seemed to agree with her, but Ueda always got the sense that somehow he had something to do with his mother taking him to a Johnny's audition. His mother had stopped pushing him on his grades after that, but she never did seem proud of his career choice until he was bringing in more money than his dental assistant sister.

He smoothed down his jacket once again before pressing the buzzer of his parent's building, smoothing it down again once more in the time it took for the door to open. “Tatsuya.” his mother welcomed him, her hands cupping the sides of his face for a second as she gave him a smile that he couldn't return. “Come inside. Taguchi-kun, welcome, take a seat...”. Ueda followed his mother through to the living room, he let Taguchi pass him and watched as the younger man proceeded to perch himself on the edge of the sofa, his nerves starting to show.

Ueda's father greeted them from his usual place in the armchair by the window, his face much older and wearier than Ueda remembered it being. “Dad, how are you?”

“Oh, fine.” his father answered, his voice quiet but warm as it often was in the years in the years since his early retirement. “How is work? I haven't seen any news about KAT-TUN recently.”

“No.” Ueda agreed. “That's actually why we're here. There's something that I, we, need to tell you. Mum, you might want to sit down.”

His mother's face grew suddenly anxious and she shook her head slowly. “No, I think I'd rather stay here.” she answered, and Ueda nodded, though having her standing less than a metre to his right, while his father sat a safer distance away did nothing to help ease his nerves.

“OK.” Ueda started, wringing his hands together and then noticing, stuffing them into his pockets. “This is hard for me to tell you...but...for the past few years Taguchi and I have been dating.”

He looked back between his father and mother, at his father with his eyes widened in surprise, his mother with her hand clenched to her chest as though this is the awful news he's bringing her. “Oh my...you're...then you're gay?”. Just the way she said it was enough to make Ueda want to grab Taguchi's hand and run, just the look in her eyes said this was far worse than he could have anticipated.

His father choked at the mention of the word, but when Ueda turned back to him he looked down at the ground. “I don't think so, not entirely, but it doesn't make any difference whether I am or not, because I'm with Junno, and even though we never meant for it to happen we've fallen in love.”

His mother actually laughed this time, something high and squeaky, almost hysterical. When Ueda looked back at her, her face was torn with utter bewilderment “This is ridiculous. Tatsuya, it's...fornicating with another man...it's abhorrent.”

Taguchi was on his feet beside Ueda in a second, his expression shocked and angry. “There's nothing wrong with our relationship.”

“There's everything wrong with it.” Ueda's mother argued back, her own cheeks tinting red with either embarrassment or anger. “Put a stop to this nonsense before somebody finds out and ruins your careers over it.”

“That's why we're here.” Ueda interjected before Taguchi had chance to reply. “Believe me we didn't want to come here and have this conversation with you, but we're serious about each other. We're going public with our relationship.”

Two gasps were audible, but only one voice spoke up, the tone of it low and cold. “That's idiocy, what about your career?” His mother demanded, stepping that little bit closer.

“We'll leave that in the hands of the fans, we're putting a vote to the fan-club, they get to decide if they can accept us enough to support us through this”

The slap across his face didn't hurt half as much as the look in his mother's eyes. “How can you be so stupid, so selfish?” she asked him. Ueda didn't even know how to begin to respond, he had been selfish, but not in respect to her. “After all we've been through to support you, after everything we've done for you, and now you're throwing it all away for nothing?”

“It's not for nothing!” Ueda argued, pushing on despite the way his mother's eyes only grew more stony. “I love him.”

The second slap was harder and accompanied with a shrill gasp from his mother. “My son would never do this to me.”

Everything inside Ueda wanted to shout and scream back at her, to tell her that she's the one being selfish, but this had nothing to do with her, this was about him and Taguchi, and however hard the glare his mother fixed in Taguchi's direction, this wasn't his fault. “I'm sorry that you feel that way.” he answered calmly. “I don't expect that will change, but here are the details of our hotel if you change your mind, we'll be leaving in the morning.”

He had to take Taguchi's hand, literally tugging him into motion, Taguchi's disgusted expression still fixed on Ueda's mother as they turned to leave.

Ueda didn't speak, just continued walking, his pace fast and hard, his breathing heavy and quickening to keep up but he didn't say a word. He dropped Taguchi's hand before they entered the hotel, but his pace didn't falter as he charged straight past the reception desk and to the stairs, taking them two at a time.

Taguchi didn't speak either, not until they were safely behind the closed door of their hotel room, and that's where Taguchi pulled Ueda into his arms. “Baby, I'm so sorry.”

He was so angry, there was so much that he wanted to say, to shout, and that's when he noticed that Taguchi wasn't shouting, that the anger he'd seen bubbling in Taguchi's eyes ten minutes ago was gone, and then Taguchi reached out to stroke Ueda's cheeks and he knew why.

It was too late to hide his tears, he couldn't even say how long they'd been there, but he could feel their wet paths down his cheeks, feel the heaviness behind his eyes and nose, and sniffed hard as he tried to speak. “She's a bitch.”

“She is.” Taguchi agreed, pulling him into an embrace. “But it's not our fault if she can't understand. What we have is real...we know that...but before we go ahead with this, I need to know if you still want to, if it's still...if it's what you want?”

Ueda pulled back enough to look into Taguchi's face, his expression was as gentle as always but there was uncertainty in his eyes. “Why would I not want it?”

“Your family...” Taguchi started, but Ueda cut him off.

“You're my family.”


	10. May 13th 2015

Taguchi had always heard the phrase ‘the waiting is the hardest part’ but it wasn’t until that moment that he understood, really understood it, deep in his bones. He and Ueda had filled the previous week with as much as they could think of.

They’d spent days in a heap on Ueda’s apartment floor, flicking through magazines, first through ones advertising houses, and then when that got too overwhelming, wedding magazines. They were still arguing over the where and the how, which was a constant source of annoyance for Taguchi since Ueda claimed the wedding wasn’t important to him yet wouldn’t agree to any of Taguchi’s ideas. Furthermore, it was never long before they remembered there were more pressing issues than the wedding, and the house too, so they quickly became disillusioned with planning and they’d tried going out instead. But, with the announcement of the press conference there wasn’t far they could go without risking rumours spreading.

A few days ago they’d even gone to visit Ueda’s sister, to tell her in person and talk to her about Ueda’s parents’ reaction. It had been nothing beyond what she’d expected though and they left feeling not much more encouraged. Next they’d visited Taguchi’s siblings, first his sister, who had seemed more bemused than anything, then distracted by the toddlers running rings around her.

Taguchi’s brother had seemed a little more supportive, promising to do whatever he could to help them if a change in career became a necessity, but Taguchi and Ueda still felt restless. “It’s just scary, you know?” Ueda said for maybe the hundredth time that week. “We don’t know what’s going to happen…there’s nothing we can do about it.”

“It’s not too late to call the whole thing off…if you’re having second thoughts?” Taguchi offered, as he had done a hundred times as well.

Ueda didn’t even bother to seem offended anymore, he just heaved out a sigh as he rolled onto his back on the hotel bed. Hours had passed since their late lunch with Taguchi’s brother, but they had the hotel room for the night so there was no reason for them to leave already. They had to be back in Tokyo the next day for the final meeting regarding the press conference, but all they could do for the rest of the night was wait. “I want to face this properly.” Ueda answered eventually. “Tomorrow, I want to face this properly, but for tonight it feels like I just want to run away from it.”

Something clicked inside him. “Why don’t we?” Taguchi asked, sitting up and turning to Ueda. “For tonight, let’s just get away from it.”

Ueda humoured him with a smile. “Get away where? We’re already in Zushi, a whole prefecture away from it.”

“I’ll show you.” Taguchi replied with what he hoped was a reassuring smile and he hopped up onto his feet and held out his hand. Ueda shook his head in amusement but he took it anyway. Taguchi flashed a grin back at him and darted for the door, barely stopping to grab his bag and shoes.

Ueda caught up with him out the front of the hotel where Taguchi had just flagged down a taxi and given the driver their destination. “Where are we going?” Ueda asked, but Taguchi just replied with a smile.

It was clear soon enough, the buildings giving way to open spaces and then the docks came into view. Taguchi paid the taxi fare and climbed out, urging Ueda with him and then turning to him. “Wait here.”

Ueda rolled his eyes but waited, and Taguchi set off to find a boat he could hire for the evening. It wasn’t as difficult as he expected and less than twenty minutes later he was leading Ueda along the jetty to their hired vehicle.

“So this is the grand plan? We sail away from our worries?” Ueda asked as Taguchi helped him step aboard.

“Hardly.” Taguchi answered as he found his way to the cabin and got everything ready to go. “The hiring agreement doesn’t clear us to leave the bay.”. He let out a long breath as the engine purred into life, and Ueda moved to stand beside him as he checked the nautical map on the dashboard and pulled out into the open water.

“Where exactly are we going?” Ueda asked as Taguchi pulled out a set of coordinates that he’d hastily written on a piece of paper on the recommendation of the boats’ owner.

“We’ll be there soon.” Taguchi answered distractedly as he concentrated on the dials and buttons on the dashboard. Eventually Ueda got tired of watching him and wandered out to the front of the boat to enjoy the view. When they arrived at the desired point, far enough out into the bay that they could drift a while, facing West, Taguchi cut the engine and found out a blanket from the cabin before heading around to where Ueda was still standing. “We should get comfortable, there’s still a while until sunset yet.”

“Idiot.” Ueda scoffed back at him, but when Taguchi moved around to face him there were thin, wet lines running the length of his cheeks. Taguchi reached out to wipe away a fresh drop of moisture that toppled over Ueda’s eyelid, but Ueda grabbed his hand first, bringing it instead to his lips.

Taguchi turned his hand over as Ueda kissed his way around it, and then Ueda let out a shaky laugh as more tears tumbled down his cheeks and he pulled Taguchi close. “I love you.” Taguchi whispered softly, placing a kiss into Ueda’s hair.

Ueda pulled back enough to look into Taguchi’s eyes. “Make love to me…”

The last time they’d spent the evening on a boat underneath a sunset they’d made love, it hadn’t been the first time, and even then they hadn’t been able to admit that that was what it was but it had been the catalyst to their admission of their feelings. It only seemed fitting that they should make love again tonight, and maybe that’s why Taguchi had needed to do this, to re-visit their feelings, back when they were so simple and so raw.

Ueda interrupted his thoughts with a kiss, one that wiped away everything but warmth and the feeling of Ueda’s lips, and this light tickle of Ueda’s breath fanning against his cheek as they moved their lips with force, with desperation. Ueda needed this just as much.

It wasn’t elegant, the way they stumbled to the floor together, their arms still wrapped around each other, the blanket getting tangled between them as they rolled over. Taguchi tugged at it, tossing it out of the way enough that he could reach Ueda’s belt, and he opened it with one hand as he leaned on the other, holding himself up so that he could see the wanton look in Ueda’s eyes.

Ueda helped, shuffling his hips as Taguchi pushed his jeans and boxers down, and then kicking his leg enough to pull one free of his clothes. Taguchi didn’t need any more access that that and he quickly shook out the sachet of lube he kept in his wallet, and leaned up on his knees to open it.

Half of the contents he emptied into his hand, smoothing it over his fingers, and then he moved it back between Ueda’s legs to where he was already clenching in anticipation. Ueda lifted his naked leg, hooking it over Taguchi’s shoulder to give him more leverage to push back against the two digits Taguchi was easing into him.

His eyes fluttered closed, the heat of Ueda’s body so inviting and he had to bite his lip to hold himself back, to thrust his fingers slow enough for Ueda to adjust. “Junno.” Ueda gasped, and Taguchi opened his eyes to the pleading look on Ueda’s face. “Please…now, I need you.”

They’d done this enough that Taguchi knew Ueda could handle it after just two fingers, hell the last time they’d been beneath the sunset like this he hadn’t used any and that had been one of the most incredible nights of their lives.

As Taguchi pulled his fingers free, Ueda reached up for Taguchi’s belt, tugging it open and sliding his jeans and underwear just a little way down his thighs, far enough to free Taguchi’s erection, and then Taguchi used the rest of the lube to ensure it was slick.

He pressed his lips against Ueda’s as he slid inside, his eyes slipping closed at the warmth, at the tightness that was both stimulating and inviting. “I’ll never get tired of this.” He voiced in a whisper against Ueda’s lips. Every single time was as exciting as the first and as moving as the first time that they knew it was love.

“That’s all I ask for.” Ueda replied, his tone half amused and Taguchi knew he meant it, but meant more than it too. Only before he could say that Ueda continued, stroking a rough palm over his cheek. “I love you.”

Taguchi answered with a kiss, a deep and searing one as he started to move his hips slowly. For as desperate as they were, for as stressful as their lives currently were and as much as that made them need each other in that moment, Taguchi didn’t want the moment to end. Ueda seemed content enough too, his hands stroking over every inch of Taguchi that he could reach as their lips moved lazily together.

It could have been hours, it could have been days, only of course it couldn’t because the press conference, and Taguchi was pretty sure he didn’t have that much stamina, and the sun hadn’t even set by the time Taguchi shuddered out his release inside Ueda.

He pulled far enough away that he could sneak a hand between them, stroking Ueda’s erection just as slowly, concentrating on kissing Ueda’s lips and jaw and neck and a shuddery breath was the only indication he got before Ueda’s erection pulsed in his grip.

Taguchi pulled a pack of tissues from his pocket and gently cleaned Ueda’s body before the two of them pulled their clothing back in place. Ueda patted around beside them looking for the blanket, so Taguchi got up and retrieved it before sitting back down and tugging Ueda back to sit between his legs, and then he draped the blanket over them.

“Just in time for the sunset.” Ueda said with a smile in his voice, and Taguchi leaned in to kiss the back of his head before relaxing back to enjoy the moment.

“We should get back.” Taguchi said eventually, when the sun was set and the night air was turning a little chilly.

“Thank you.” Ueda said in answer, “I think this was just what we needed.”

“Yeah?” Taguchi asked though he couldn’t agree more. “The whole watching the sunset on a boat isn’t getting old already?”

Ueda laughed and shook his head. “It was nostalgic. And perfect. And maybe I wouldn’t mind doing it again…maybe for our wedding?”

Taguchi pulled back far enough that he could turn and look at Ueda’s face. “What?”

Ueda shrugged and pulled Taguchi back forward so that they were cuddling again. “It would be perfect, we could sail just over the border somewhere where gay marriage is legal…just us and the important people, on a slightly bigger boat of course…and we could get married under the sunset...”


	11. May 15th 2015

Ueda still didn't even really know what was in store for them when the morning of the press conference arrived. They'd been called into the Jimusho on three different occasions to discuss the press conference and to talk about details of the poll, and Ueda had listened intently and still somehow not taken any of it in.

“Are you scared?” Maru asked him as they waited in the dressing room. Taguchi was getting some air while Koki was smoking and Kame was pacing the room with his cue cards in his hands.

“Yeah.” Ueda answered honestly. He looked down at his own cue card. Their speeches were already written, and edited twice over by the Jimusho staff, and Ueda had learnt the words but he'd been over them so many times that he somehow felt detached from them.

“Everything will be fine.” Kame assured him with a smile, coming to stop in front of his chair. “We don't need to worry about the results or the future right now, just relax and concentrate on the press conference...we've got this.”

Ueda was sure Kame couldn't feel as confident as he looked but years of acting and live broadcasts made Kame look infallible. Taguchi, when he finally re-entered looked nowhere near as infallible but with only ten minutes left until the start of the conference, they didn't have time to give into their nerves.

“Baby...” Taguchi said quietly, pulling up a seat beside Ueda. “We're going to be OK.” His words lacked the confidence of Kame's, but there was a magnitude of emotion behind them that made them more believable.

“I know.” Ueda answered, only having to half force his smile, and he reached for Taguchi's hand.

It didn't feel like ten minutes later that a staff member came to fetch them, leading them towards the conference room and Ueda barely had chance to take in the number of press waiting for them before the camera flashes started.

They each took their places behind the podium, Kame in the centre, Ueda and Taguchi to his left with Koki and Maru to his right. They waited patiently until the room full of reporters quieted and took their seats, and then Kame cleared his throat.

“Thank you all for coming today. I'm sure you're all wondering what you've been asked here today for, and I'm sure it will indeed surprise you. Today, KAT-TUN have a rather unorthodox announcement and also a proposition for our fans. Shortly I will hand over to Taguchi and Ueda for the announcement, and then Koki and Nakamaru will explain the proposition. I ask you to please refrain from commenting or asking questions until after they have finished speaking, and then we will turn over to you to answer whatever questions we can...Taguchi, Ueda, if you please...”

He knew the cue, and yet his feet wouldn't move, he looked out at the sea of faces, all of them greedily waiting for a scoop, eager for the chance to report the downfall of the group and he froze. “UePi.” Taguchi said gently, nudging him, and then his hand was resting gently on the small of Ueda's back encouraging him to step forward.

“Thank you.” he said shakily when he reached the microphones, all of them squeaking hideously at his words. “Taguchi and I have been chosen to deliver this announcement because it concerns the both of us. It is a rather personal announcement, and I hope that you will all respect that when we turn to your questions...” he saw the cameras raising and looked down, his confidence fading. The silence dragged on for what felt like hours and he felt Taguchi's hand rubbing soothingly at his back. He looked up at Taguchi's face, and he still couldn't remember the words but he remembered the feeling and he looked back out at the crowd. “Taguchi and I are in love.”

The room was in instant uproar, the flashes so bright that Ueda couldn't even see the movement behind them, the chaos that such a simple statement had caused.

“Please.” It was Kame's voice, raised against the rabble of the reporters and as he continued the noise started to die down. “Please, we're not finished yet, please reserve your comments until we have finished the announcement. Taguchi...”

It wasn't supposed to be Taguchi's turn yet, but Ueda wasn't supposed to come right out with it like that either. He understood why they were handing over and he let go of his cue cards in his pocket.

“The truth is...” Taguchi started, clearing his throat. “It's true that we're in love...” That wasn't part of Taguchi's speech either but he quickly gets it back on track. “Against the better judgement of our friends and colleagues, Three years ago, Tatsuya and I began a casual relationship, one that very quickly escalated into something serious. In that time, our relationship has been impacted numerous times, causing us to break up, we feel, to the detriment of the group. We have come through the hardships though, with the help of our friends, and with the support of the fans and by eventually gaining consent to date from the company, however we felt it was time to come clean to you all.” He looked over at Ueda, silently asking him if he was OK to pick up as planned and while Ueda didn't feel confident on the inside, seeing Taguchi's collectedness gave him a sense of responsibility.

Ueda nodded. “Until now, we've been unable to tell the public about our relationship for fear of losing...not just our jobs, our livelihoods, for fear of losing KAT-TUN, but we don't want to lie any more, and we don't want to have to sneak around behind the backs of our fans, so with the companies consent, we decided, as a group, to present the truth to you all. We want everyone to know about our relationship and to ask for you to support us in it, from here.” he took a deep breath as he bowed, his band-mates bowing along right beside him.

“Please support us.” Taguchi echoed and they all bowed again to the sound of camera shutters and murmurs.

Ueda and Taguchi moved over to the side, their part, for the most part, finished, and let Kame take centre stage again. “We hope that with the increase in tolerance that Japan has proudly shown over the last few years, homosexuality will not give you cause to turn against these two men. And we implore our fans to remember us over the coming weeks. I'll now hand over to Nakamaru for details of how you can support us.”

Nakamaru cleared his throat as he stepped forward. “When I first found out about Ueda and Taguchi’s relationship, I was hurt and angry. Not because they were together, as weird as I thought that was, but because they didn’t tell me. I’d always thought we were close, I’d always thought that we cared about each other as friends and as members…and to find out that they had been lying to me…that we’d faced each other countless times and they’d hidden this dark secret from me…I felt…deceived. I felt untrusted. And that was after only months of secrecy. I’m speaking to our fans when I say that I understand how hurt you must be feeling right now. We all lied to you, we all knew about this relationship and we kept it from you, it’s understandable that you’ll be hurt and angry. But I’m begging you to please try and understand. We never wanted to deceive you. We were scared of what would happen to this group if society at large found out about this relationship, we were scared of what would happen to our friends, of how the publicity of it might impact their relationship and their happiness. It was the media we were afraid of, not our loyal and trusting fans. We never mistrusted our fans, we never will, and to prove that to you we want to entrust our future, entirely to you.”

Maru bowed low and stepped back, his hands folded neatly in his lap around the cue cards that he hadn’t even glanced at. Koki stepped forward right away, his own cue cards tucked into his pocket.

“If we could have extended this invitation to every one of our fans around the world, please believe me that we would have done. Unfortunately, in the name of organisation and fluidity, we will have to restrict participation to our fan club only.” Koki started. “As Yuichi has already mentioned, we are doing this for our fans, as an apology for the lies we had to tell you, and as a gesture of the trust we hope to maintain with you. Starting one week from today, a poll will open to our fan club members giving you the opportunity to vote on how you would like the group to proceed from here. Your options are as follows. Option A – have the group continue the way we are. Option B – have Ueda and Taguchi leave the group which will continue as a three-member group. Or option C – have the group disband. In the eventuality of the group disbanding, or Taguchi and Ueda leaving, the individuals will remain Johnny’s employees as long as they wish too, but the future of their careers will of course fall to whatever work industry professionals offer them. Now, to those industry professionals, to the directors and producers, casting agencies and editors and all those that we rely on for support in our careers and in our everyday lives. We beseech you to continue your support of us, regardless of the outcome of this poll. We extend our apologies to all of you for our deception and we hope that you too can understand why we had to do it, and that you will not let the very thing we were afraid of influence any decisions you make regarding working with us in the future.”

“Thank you Koki and Nakamaru.” Kame says with a nod as Koki moves back to stand in line. “And finally, to everyone else, to the media and the general public, we are deeply sorry for the things we kept from you and for being afraid for so long of your reaction. We sincerely hope you’ll prove all of our fear and worry unnecessary.” Kame bows deeply and the others mirror him. “Thank you for your patience, we’ll now turn over to your questions.”


	12. May 21st - 29th 2015

When Taguchi passed over his phone, his face looked concerned and Ueda was about to ask why until he noticed the name flashing across his screen.  
  
“Dad.” he greeted as he answered the phone.  
  
“Tatsuya...” he father answered, a faint smile in his voice. “It's been a hectic week for you...”  
  
Ueda nodded. “Yeah, we've been pretty busy with interviews...the ones that didn't cancel on us anyway...”  
  
“I saw...” his father said slowly. “I've been watching.”  
  
“Oh.” Ueda answered, not sure what else to say. “I bet mum isn't happy about that...”  
  
The silence was a little awkward as he heard his father's deep inhale. “She's staying with her sister for a while.”  
  
“What?” Ueda asked in shock. “She left?”  
  
“Not left...she's pretty upset right now, I think she just needs some time to herself, away from this.”  
  
Away from them. Ueda doesn't need for his father to say it, he knows that it's himself and Taguchi and KAT-TUN and their whole damn mess that she needs a break from, and she won't get that if his father is watching their interviews. “Dad, I'm sorry...”  
  
“You don't need to be. I didn't call to tell you that. Just...the poll will be opening tomorrow, I wanted to wish you luck. I'll be supporting you.” his father answered awkwardly.  
  
“You will?” Ueda asked, surprised.  
  
“Of course. I may not agree with all of the choices you've made in your life, but you're still my son, and I'll support you no matter what...give your mother time and she'll come around too.”  
  
“Thank you.” Ueda answered still in surprise, somewhat unaccustomed to his father's gentle words. “I’m really sorry for the trouble that I’ve caused you.”  
  
His father chuckles a little down the phone. “Don’t be. It’s the child’s job to cause trouble for the parent.”  
  
“But…about mum…you’ll keep me updated with how things are with her…”  
  
“Of course.” His father said, and then his tone sobered a little as he continued. “Tatsuya, when all of this blows over, when your mother is home and she’s calmed down a little, regardless of how things turn out over the next week. Let’s all go out and celebrate.”  
  
He almost answered that there will be reason to celebrate, after all they never did get around to telling his parents about their marriage, but he decided that that was news best saved for when things had settled down, for when he could proudly announce it to both of his parents together. “Yeah.” He answered lamely instead. “Yeah, we’d really like that.”  
  
Taguchi was waiting with open arms when he placed the phone down. He didn’t exactly need comforting, and he told Taguchi as much but not before folding himself into Taguchi’s embrace. “Everything will be OK.” Taguchi told him anyway, and Ueda had to admit that it was still nice to hear it. “Let’s go to bed and try and forget for now.”  
  
 **May 22 nd 2015**  
  
For the next week they could do nothing. Absolutely nothing. Johnny had even recommended that they stay inside as much as possible. They’d had all of the interviews they were accepted for, and said all that they could to the public, but that did nothing to deter the paparazzi who were stalking them, probably hoping to be the first to snap a picture of the scandalous couple kissing.  
  
They’d had a press conference that morning, just a short one to announce again the terms of the poll and to officially open it, and then Ueda had accompanied Taguchi back to his apartment to gather enough clothes and belongings to last him the week long siege in Ueda’s apartment.  
  
They’d already stocked the fridges full, and arranged with a neighbour to walk the dogs every day, and so there was nothing left for Taguchi and Ueda to do but hide.  
  
“I wish there was some way to check…to see how things are going.” Ueda mused.  
  
“Johnny said there’s no way to check on the poll.” Taguchi answered with a sigh.  
  
Ueda hummed in agreement, Johnny had made that very clear. “But he might have just been saying that so that we wouldn’t hound him for updates…”  
  
Taguchi shrugged back at him. “Maybe it’s for the best any way…what if they don’t want us to stay in KAT-TUN? Wouldn’t it be worse knowing all week that that was going to be the outcome…”  
  
“But at least we would know…at least we wouldn’t be wondering…”  
  
“And we wouldn’t be hoping either.” Taguchi replied in a voice that told Ueda firmly that the discussion was over.  
  
  
 **May 26 th 2015**  
  
He couldn’t stand not knowing. Taguchi seemed to be holding up better, but Ueda supposed that was probably because Taguchi always managed to have a positive outlook on everything. Of course he knew inside that Taguchi was as anxious as he was, but Taguchi was at least more composed.  
  
“There’s nothing we can do about it, worrying won’t help either way.” Taguchi encouraged him, but Ueda never did like to feel helpless so it only made him worry more.  
  
He finally caved. They’d been told not to check the internet. Ueda knew it was a bad idea at the best of times but he had no other way of knowing, even the gossip shows on TV weren’t giving any hints one way or the other.  
  
The internet was worse, for every page he found supporting them there was another that was cursing them, some extreme blogs even went as far as to say they deserved to die for committing such horrific sins. Ueda didn’t notice the way his breathing was growing more and more erratic, but Taguchi must have done because in the next instant he was snatching Ueda’s phone from his hands and pulling him close.  
  
“They hate us.” Ueda whimpered.  
  
“They don’t hate us.” Taguchi replied sternly. “I told you not to look on the internet, people can be so cruel when they can hide behind anonymity. Ignore them, they’re not the ones we need to listen to.” Ueda nodded, but Taguchi still took his phone from him and kept it securely in his own pocket.  
  
  
 **May 29 th 2015**  
  
Ueda had barely slept, not just because the weight of the day’s decision was bearing down on him, but also because of the influx of supportive messages from his friends and peers at all hours of the night.  
  
Exactly one week from the opening of the poll, it was officially closed, and then there were two agonisingly long hours to wait while the results were calculated and checked.  
  
The fact that Ueda had spent so much time in front of reporters did nothing to ease his anxiety as he followed his band mates up onto the stage for the announcement of the results.  
  
It was Kame that stepped forward, reeling off the usual pleasantries, and then with shaking hands he accepted the envelope that was handed to him. He didn’t pause to read the card before he began reading it aloud, his voice thick.  
  
“On behalf of Johnny’s Entertainment and KAT-TUN, I would like to announce that with a majority vote of 82%...the decision has been made…for KAT-TUN to continue as a five member group.”


	13. May 29th 2015

There were already five missed calls on his phone by the time Taguchi slumped back onto the sofa in their dressing room. One each from his brother and sister and three from his mother. “Jeez.” He said out loud with a smile. “Give me a few minutes mum.” There were voicemails too, but Taguchi didn’t have time to read them, no sooner had he sat down than Ueda was in his lap.

He was surprised by the ferocious kiss that found him next, Ueda’s arms looping around his neck as the other kissed his lips, all gasps and teeth and quiet sobs.

“I told you didn’t I?” Koki said from somewhere beside them, his words certain but his voice almost a sigh. “We made a promise. So long as they’ll always be hyphens…we’ll always.”

Taguchi couldn’t say whose hand had clamped over Koki’s mouth, but from the next sentence he assumed it was Kame’s. “It could have gone either way.”

There was a joke in there somewhere, Taguchi knew, something about swinging both ways or something, he didn’t care to find it, Ueda’s tongue was in his mouth, soft mewls curling against his lips and all Taguchi wanted to do was go home.

“We’ll catch up with you later.” Maru had told them with an eye-roll, when Taguchi suggested as much but Ueda insisted that they had some celebrating to do as a group. “Call us when you finally manage to untangle your limbs from each other.”

“That could take a while.” Taguchi answered back but Maru just let out a noise of distaste and left the room with a wide smile.

“Go home and celebrate…” Kame told them, and he took hold of Koki’s arm to lead him from the room too.

Getting home was easier said than done though, with the announcement, and their relationship official, Taguchi and Ueda could barely set foot outside the dressing room without someone offering their congratulations or trying to take a photograph.

Koyama caught them in the elevator, an uncharacteristic quiet about the newscaster as he shook each of their hands in turn. “It’s really brave…” he started, looking down at the ground. “What you two have done, I’m sure it will change the lives of many other Johnny’s and juniors alike in the future…congratulations.”

“Thank you.” Ueda replied, the elevator pinging to signal Koyama’s floor and then they were alone again.

Taguchi was always closer to Koyama than Ueda was, but even he could only speculate. “Do you think…I mean him and Shige-kun…”

Ueda shrugged, his manner un-perplexed. “Maybe we’ll find out one day…I didn’t even think about if there were other Johnny’s relationships…but maybe he’s right…maybe now they won’t feel like they have to hide so much…”

“Look at us.” Taguchi said, his eyes catching their reflection in the elevator mirror. “Changing the world…”

The lips in Ueda’s reflection curled up into a smirk. “Easy there tiger…we won the vote but who knows how things will go from here…”

Taguchi tutted quietly. “We’re supposed to be celebrating…” He watched as Ueda’s face broke into a laugh in the mirror, and then Ueda was spinning him around and pulling him close, his mouth finding Taguchi’s easily. “What are you doing?” Taguchi murmured back against his lips.

“Celebrating.” Ueda answered, more lips than words and it took all of Taguchi’s resolve to peel himself away.

“Cameras…”

“They already know…” Ueda replied, looking into Taguchi’s eyes and sucking his bottom lip between his teeth. “We don’t have to pretend anymore…I don’t have to pretend I’m not in love with you.”

Taguchi would have leaned in to kiss him back if not for the ping of the elevator, and they prepared themselves for the onslaught of paparazzi as they dashed out of the elevator and towards the parking garage.

A car was waiting. The other members had driven here themselves but given the extra public scrutiny, the agency thought it best to have Taguchi and Ueda chauffeured around to reduce the risk of them being followed.

Once they were in the car, Ueda’s phone started to ring and Ueda showed Taguchi the screen before answering his father’s call. Taguchi had another missed call from his mother, and with an amused sigh he called her back.

Half an hour later they were safely back in Ueda’s apartment and Taguchi’s mother was still on the phone, she’d been passed back and forth between them three times already, and then put on speaker, and still she’d done not much more than congratulate them, reminisce and invite them over for dinner.

“Ok, mum, yeah…we’re going in for a meeting tomorrow, I’ll call you about our schedules afterwards.” Taguchi assured her for the fifth time. “Yes, we’re staying inside tonight…we don’t need to order take out, I can cook you know?” By this time Ueda had the dogs fed and played with and they were lounging around the room, while Ueda’s sat restlessly on the edge of the sofa. “Mum, it’s not of your business how much fibre I’m eating…that’s none of your business either…mum!”

He almost hung up, his mother’s interest in their sex life suddenly sparking, probably because she knew they would want some time alone and wanted to wind him up, but eventually Taguchi managed to get her off of the phone.

He didn’t even get chance to rant to Ueda about her line of questioning, Ueda was already on his feet, grabbing Taguchi by the hand and dragging him to the bedroom.

Ueda’s eagerness was contagious, and when Taguchi saw his boyfriend, his fiancée, stripping off his clothes he followed suit quickly before tackling Ueda down onto the bed. He covered Ueda’s body easily, pressing hasty kisses over his jaw and neck, dragging back to his lips as his hand moved down to coax Ueda’s legs apart.

“Let’s stay like this.” Ueda breathed softly. “Forever, let’s just…” his words caught as a gasp forced its way up Ueda’s throat and Taguchi didn’t know what he meant, if he meant physically or emotionally, and somehow it didn’t matter, because inside he knew and felt exactly the same.

His hand held Ueda’s leg exactly where it was while his body lowered, fitting perfectly together and Taguchi’s hips rolled with the rhythm of his heart as Ueda’s head tipped back in a beautiful moan. Everything inside him wanted to rush, he’d been so scared, anxious and now everything was coming back, only now he knew they didn’t have to worry because they could be together.

That elation was the only thing that kept him steady, knowing that they could, that they’d won, that it was Ok for them to be like this, just like this, forever.

“Baby” he whispered, his words pressed into Ueda’s hairline as their hips rocked together. “Stay with me.”

“Come with me…” Ueda gasped back, and Taguchi wasn’t even all that close, wasn’t even chasing it until Ueda’s fingers dug into his back, desperate and yet content. Taguchi’s lips found Ueda’s, pressing hard and Ueda held it, his lips soft and yet solid, demanding. And then Ueda tossed his head to the side, his moan almost a wail as the space between them turned slick and Taguchi let his hips speed up, arousal sliding, building…so intense, until he clamped his lips around Ueda’s shoulder to stifle his groan as he pulsed between them too.

When Ueda’s phone started ringing on the floor beside the bed, neither of them even flinched, but the third time it rang Ueda groaned and urged Taguchi off of him.

“Johnny-san.” Taguchi heard Ueda answer in surprise. “Yes, of course. We’ll be there right away…”


	14. May 29th 2015

“It can’t be good.” Taguchi mused as Ueda drove them to Jimusho office. He was the one so concerned with staying positive the whole time they were waiting for the verdict, but now that they had it, now that Johnny himself had called them back in so suddenly.

“You don’t think they could have mis-counted?” Ueda answered back warily.

Taguchi shook his head, of that much he was sure. “They couldn’t have mis-counted badly enough to sway it eighty something percent.”

“Then do you think…” Ueda lowered his voice and cast a furtive glance at Taguchi that Taguchi would maybe have found funny if not for the feeling of impending doom. “Do you think maybe Johnny rigged it? And somebody found out?”

“No…surely not.” Of that Taguchi wasn’t quite as sure, but he didn’t think, not for more than a few seconds at least, that it could be the case, Johnny wouldn’t rig it, why would he.

“Boys.” Johnny greeted them warmly, and that alone would have made Taguchi’s chest feel a little lighter if not for the words that followed. “First off I have a little bad news for the two of you. Ueda-kun, your regular morning TV spot has been cancelled, unfortunately the show decided to go with someone a little less scrutinised for the time being. And Taguchi-kun, I’m afraid it’s your radio show, the company have requested that Kame take your place as co-host along with Nakamaru-kun.”

Taguchi nodded solemnly, he’s been doing that show for years, but Ueda beside him let out something close to a snort. “Is that it?” When Johnny looked as perplexed as Taguchi, Ueda launched into a re-enactment of their conversation on the way over.

Taguchi managed to dive in just in time to keep Ueda from spilling their doubts about the company, but only just. “Thank you for inviting us in to inform us…”

“There’s more actually.” Johnny continued, reeling off a list of minor jobs that had been cancelled or rescheduled in light of the current situation, before finishing. “There is some good news to go along with the bad, but unfortunately your band-mates seem to be running late.”

The half hour it took for the rest of KAT-TUN to arrive wasn’t nearly as bad as the drive over, but it didn’t stop Taguchi from mulling over the jobs he’d lost. It wasn’t as bad as it could have been, not nearly as bad as it could have been just twenty four hours earlier, but it still made Taguchi sad. “I’ve been doing that radio show for years…” Taguchi mumbled but Ueda easily put a smile back onto his face.

“It’s not too bad a trade though right? A radio show compared to spending the rest of our lives together?” Taguchi shook his head as his smile widened and he cast a quick glance around before shuffling closer to Ueda on the waiting room sofa. He was interrupted half way through leaning in to kiss Ueda though, by Kame’s voice.

“We can’t leave you alone for five minutes.” He tutted, but he looked pleased for them. “We’re all here now…”

“I’m sorry for calling you all here so suddenly.” Johnny started once they were all seated around his desk. It felt to Taguchi like a lifetime since they’d sat right here, together like this, to ask Johnny’s permission to go public. He wanted to reach out and take Ueda’s hand, to hold it tightly, but he resisted in order to remain professional. “I’m sure you’ll all be delighted to hear that your summer tour will go ahead as planned.”

“For the same dates?” Kame asked.

“For the most part, some venues have been re-ordered due to the dates no longer being available, and there are a few we haven’t yet contacted, but it will still take place this summer so meetings will begin on Monday with the aim to have everything underway by the following week. The timing will be tight but with the current buzz surrounding the group we feel it will be best to pursue this now.” Johnny explained. “Furthermore, and I would like to stress that this will not affect the group in any way, we will be introducing a Taguchi and Ueda subunit.”

“Like a duet?” Maru asked, as surprised as the rest of them, “like Tegomass?”

“Exactly.” Johnny confirmed. “Your name is currently undecided but I currently have your managers rounding up possible debut singles. The first single will be released before the start of the tour and it will be performed for the duration of the tour…as for how long the unit itself will run for, that will depend almost entirely on sales.”

Taguchi looked over at Ueda in disbelief. “Baby…” he started, until Ueda’s cheeks lit up at the nickname and he looked away grinning. The others were smiling too.

“I guess I was wrong.” Koki said, punching Taguchi in the arm, but he was wearing a huge grin. “Maybe JunDa will be pretty popular after all.”

“JunDa?” Johnny asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Their name squish…” Koki explained. “I decided on that years ago so if it’s going to be a name squish thing then you can’t do like ‘TaguDa’ or ‘UeGuchi’…It’s already JunDa”

Johnny gave a light shrug of his shoulders “I’m open to suggestions…”

“Really?” Ueda asked, and there was something almost shy about his voice. “Any suggestions? Even suggestions for our debut single?”

“Is there something you had in mind? You do write your own songs, am I right?” Johnny asked in return, leaning a little closer over his desk.

“I do.” Ueda answered a little awkwardly. “That wasn’t what I had in mind though. You see there’s a song that has always been really important to us…a song that has always been in the back of our minds whenever things were tough…a song that you might even say is the reason we always got back together, it describes the fight for what we have now pretty much perfectly…only it’s not an original song, it would be a cover.”

Johnny hummed. “For a start it would depend on if we could get the rights to it…”

“You own the rights to it.” Ueda answered sheepishly. “It’s one of our senpai’s songs, not a single just a regular album track…”

Johnny hummed again, the sound only marginally more hopeful. “If it’s something you feel strongly about then I’ll consider it, but you should be aware that releasing a cover probably wouldn’t sell as well as an original song…and the future of the unit will depend heavily on sales…”

Ueda looked at Taguchi whose heart was swelling in his chest just at the idea of being able to release that song. “We do…” Taguchi answered for them. “We understand about the sales but we really do feel strongly about this…”

Johnny nodded. “Well then” and he pulled a notepad towards him and picked up a pen. “What song is it?”

“Baby Blue” Taguchi and Ueda answered together and Johnny jotted it down; beneath it he wrote the name JunDa.


	15. July 14th - September 18th 2015

  
Taguchi breathed out a long sigh as he flopped down onto his sofa without even switching on the light. His apartment was warm, he’d barely spent any time here over the last few months so the air-conditioning hadn’t been on regularly and the mid-summer sun had heated the place to baking temperatures despite the late hour.  
  
He knew he should get up and switch it on but he was so tired he didn’t have the energy to do even that and he just rolled onto his side and closed his eyes to enjoy the silence.  
  
He hadn’t really noticed how noisy Ueda’s apartment was, just little noises but constant, the TV nearly always on or music, the sound of panting dogs and paws padding back and forth to the kitchen for water. And then there was Ueda himself, constantly worrying over this or nagging over that. It had been a busy few months and as much as Taguchi loved Ueda he was thankful for some peace and quiet.  
  
They hadn’t made any kind of verbal agreement to go home separately but he knew that Ueda was feeling it as much as him, the cabin fever of being bundled up together day after day, just the two of them, in rehearsal rooms or recording studios, in mini-buses on the way to interviews or photoshoots where they’re all smiles, all draped over each other. They both needed a little space.  
  
It would only get worse too. Their debut duet single was due out the next day and the promotions would only ramp up, and then after a week or two of those the rehearsals for KAT-TUN’s summer tour would be near constant.  
  
Preparations for the summer tour were already complete, the costumes were in production, the set list finalised and choreographies were already decided without Taguchi even having any opportunity to work on them with the choreographers. Rehearsals had started too, but Taguchi and Ueda had theirs separate to the rest of the group for the time being due to scheduling conflicts.  
  
There wasn’t time for much of anything outside of JunDa’s schedule in fact. They were called into the Jimusho nearly every day when they were finished with work to discuss some job that they weren’t getting or some nasty comment made by a newscaster or a show host. There were good things too, a quirky and eccentric director that was interested in making a movie about them when they had time to discuss it with his choice of screen-writer, and hundreds of letters from fans telling them how proud they are that they aren’t hiding their sexualities anymore.  
  
Taguchi was just drifting off to sleep when his phone started ringing from his bag on the other side of the room. Reluctantly he pushed himself up from the sofa to retrieve it, and thought about ignoring it when he saw it was his mother calling.  
  
They were supposed to go out and see her nearly two months ago, back when the poll results first came out but they just hadn’t had the time. Whatever time they did have away from work they wanted to spend together, to remind themselves what all of this extra work was for. At the end of June she’d taken matters into her own hands and got the train to Tokyo herself, but even then they barely had time to catch up by the time they’d finished work and got changed ready to meet her for dinner.  
  
He pressed answer and paced the living room floor as they talked. He switched the light on the third time he passed it and looked longingly back at the sofa but he knew he’d fall asleep the moment he lay down. Instead he stayed on his feet and his mother must have heard how weary he was because she kept it relatively short and then they said goodbye and Taguchi switched the light back out and made his way along to the bedroom.  
  
It was warmer in the bedroom than it was in the living room, but Taguchi just stripped down to his underwear and cracked open a window before flopping down onto the bed. It was kind of lonely, he thought as his hand reached out to the side on instinct and found just an empty side of the bed. He rolled over to face it anyway and decided he maybe didn’t need space after all.  
  
As tired as he was, he just couldn’t fall asleep, his brain wired and his chest heavy as he lay awake for what felt like hours in the darkness. Sometime after midnight he heard the sound of a car outside, and it struck him as a little strange, but he didn’t think anything of it until he heard the door to his apartment unlocked and opened.  
  
There was already a smile on his face by the time Ueda walked through the bedroom door and stripped down to his underwear, and when Ueda lay down beside him Taguchi shuffled closer.  
  
“Get off.” Ueda huffed. “It’s too warm to cuddle, don’t you have air conditioning?” Taguchi just ignored him, snuggling in closer and drifting straight to sleep.  
  
  
**September 18 th 2015**  
  
“To a successful tour.” Kame said, his glass raised over the table between them. “It’s been a hectic one, more so than usual, but we did it.”  
  
Koki was already a little drunk and Taguchi nudged Ueda beside him when he caught Koki subtly dabbing at his eyes. Ueda chuckled and nudged Taguchi back before slipping his hand into Taguchi’s beneath the table.  
  
They’d been fighting, a lot. Up until four hours ago they weren’t even really speaking but Ueda smiled at him and shook his head. “It’s been stressful for all of us, but it’s been worth it…”  
  
“It’s been especially stressful for you two.” Nakamaru said with a warm smile and Taguchi knew that he knew just how hard it was for them, Ueda had been spending a lot of time with him between their concerts, complaining about JunDa’s workload no doubt.  
  
“We couldn’t have done it without you guys…” Ueda answered him, and he squeezed Taguchi’s hand just a little tighter.  
  
“We couldn’t have done any of it.” Taguchi conceded, and Koki sniffed a little harder and rubbed at his eyes again. It had Taguchi’s throat feeling tight as his lips curved into a wide smile. “You guys have helped us so much…not just over the summer and the tour, and with everything about going public, but before that too…for years.” They really did have the best friends, Taguchi thought, raising his glass to join Kame’s where it was still suspended between them. “To you guys…”  
  
“To friends.” Ueda said, his glass joining them.  
  
“To more than that.” Maru answered, raising his glass. “To members.”  
  
Koki’s was the last glass to join them and his words were wobbly with tears. “To KAT-TUN”  



	16. September 21st - 24th 2015

  
“What about France?” Taguchi asked, “Paris is the city of love isn’t it?”  
  
“I thought that was Venice?” Ueda answered distractedly, flipping through the European Holiday Brochure. “I think it’s going to be too cold…maybe we should look at South America after all, or South Africa?”  
  
“Not if you still like the idea of getting married on a boat.” Taguchi argued back. “There are pirates in those waters aren’t there?” Ueda had to laugh at the mental image but Taguchi was right, he’d heard enough horror stories about pirates, the Somalian kind, not the one-legged, eye-patched kind. “And I honestly don’t know anything about South America…”  
  
“What about just going to America then…gay marriage is legal in Hawaii…we like Hawaii…” Taguchi nodded but the noise he made didn’t sound too agreeable so Ueda let his brochure fall closed and he put it aside to look at Taguchi properly. “No?”  
  
Taguchi made that noise again. “Don’t get me wrong, I don’t dislike Hawaii, and there wouldn’t be as much worry with language barriers, but this is kind of supposed be a secret get away…we might be recognised in Hawaii…”  
  
Ueda had briefly thought of that, but that was before they’d actually started looking into things and found nothing more promising yet. “Canada would probably be too cold this time of year too…” He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone and searched for, for what must have been the hundredth time, countries where gay marriage is legal. “How about New Zea…” he started, but his sentence was cut short when an incoming call flashed across his screen.  
  
“Hello.” He answered almost warily, he’d spoken to his father just the day before so it unnerved him that he would be calling again so soon.  
  
“Tatsuya.” His mother answered.  
  
“Mum…” Ueda said, but he didn’t know what else to say and only silence met him from the other end of the line. “Why are you calling…?”  
  
Part of him was happy just to hear her voice again, and part of him was hopeful purely because she’d sought out his voice too, but Ueda hadn’t forgotten the things she’d said when they last spoke.  
  
“I’m sorry.” She replied eventually, her voice wavering a little. “I’m sorry for last time.”  
  
Ueda nodded a little, but he wasn’t ready to forgive quite that easily. “So you accept our relationship?”  
  
He could hear her swallowing heavily. “I’d like to try.”  
  
She was honest at least, Ueda had to give her that. “Thank you. I’d like that too.”  
  
It was quiet      again, “Your father and I would like to take you out to dinner, both you and…Taguchi-kun. Would Thursday be alright?”  
  
Since the end of the tour both Ueda and Taguchi had quite empty schedules, a break that they’d requested from the company so that they could recover from their tour and plan for their wedding. “Thursday would be fine.”  
  
“That’s good.” His mother answered stiffly. “Well then, we’ll make reservations and contact you again.”  
  
  
**September 24 th 2015**  
  
The restaurant was a high class one, just as Ueda expected it to be. His parents were already seated at their table but they both stood to bow lightly as Ueda and Taguchi approached. Ueda didn’t miss the way his mother’s eyes remained downcast.  
  
“Thank you for inviting us out tonight.” Taguchi said to Ueda’s father, his manners outweighing his nerves no doubt. Ueda had told him there was no need to be nervous but he couldn’t deny that he was a little nervous himself. Even though they now had his father’s blessing, it was the first time they would be directly confronting his parents since the time they announced their relationship.  
  
There was a little more bowing and few more pleasantries and then they all sat down. For a few minutes after that it was quiet, an almost peaceful quiet as they all browsed through the restaurant’s menu.  
  
When Ueda lowered his, his choice made, his mother was watching him cautiously from across the table. She looked down briefly when he caught her staring but then looked right back at him as she spoke. “You look tired.” It wasn’t the nicest thing she could have said, but then Ueda knew his mother was never the kind to be soft and sugar-coat things. “It must have been a difficult few months for you.”  
  
Ueda couldn’t quite tell if it was a dig or if she was pitying him, his jaw locked either way but Taguchi answered from beside him. “It has been busy, certainly.” And Ueda was amazed at the smile he managed to produce - Taguchi must have still be hurting too.  
  
His mother looked down at her menu again with what Ueda hoped was an abashed expression, but that’s when he noticed that she looked tired too. Part of him wanted to ask if she was ok, but then he remembered that she had no right to be as worn in over this as they were. Still, she was his mother, and as tough as she had been for his entire life, she had been there his entire life and she was here now.  
  
“Thank you for inviting us.” He said suddenly, and it felt weird because they already said that, the pleasantries were already over with but his mother looked up him again and her smile was small and almost conspiring.  
  
“Your dad seems to like me.” Taguchi said, much later, once they were back in their hotel room “Your mum seemed…” he continued, his voice contemplative.  
  
“They know you.” Ueda answered him a little bluntly, but he answered with a smile. “They’ve known you for years…you’re talking as though this is their first time meeting you.”  
  
“If their first time meeting your boyfriend.” Taguchi answered and his hands found their way to Ueda’s waist. “Your fiancée.” Ueda had to smile at that, looking down at the ground to try and hide his eyes but Taguchi’s hand was on his chin, urging it back up. “Soon to be your husband.”  
  
Ueda nodded shyly, as strange as it felt to think of that word, it was true. Soon Taguchi would be his husband, though it didn’t feel like soon enough. “I’m tired of deliberating over it.” He said bluntly. “Hawaii would be easiest. We know Hawaii, Hawaii knows Japanese…we could have everything organised and done within the week and then we can just go and get married.”


	17. October 7th 2015

The sun floated slowly down towards the horizon as Ueda took Taguchi’s hand and walked with him down their make-shift aisle. Their families and closest friends stood either side, all eyes turned to them as they made their way slowly along the yacht’s deck towards the registrar. When they reached him they both turned to each other, their hands still entwined as the registrar recited the introduction and then turned first to Ueda.

“Ueda Tatsuya.” He started, and Ueda let go of Taguchi’s hand with one of his to grip the worn piece of paper in his pocket. “You may start by reading your vows.”

Ueda cleared his throat, but he kept the piece of paper in his pocket. He didn’t need it, he’d read and re-read the vows he’d written so many times over the past few days that even if the setting sun did offer enough light for him to still see the words, he didn’t need to.

He still wasn’t happy with them, he hadn’t managed to put into words exactly what he was feeling, despite the amount of practice he had from penning his feelings down in songs. Ueda was quite sure that given the rest of his life to work on his vows, he’d never manage to express in such a short space of time just what Taguchi meant to him.

He cleared his throat again, swallowed down the thick swell of emotion and licked his lips as he began to speak. “Three years ago today I fell in love with you.” Ueda announced, his voice quivering as he looked straight into Taguchi’s eyes. “It wasn’t for the first time, but it was the first time I felt so deeply and so undeniably in love with you that it terrified me. I was never meant to love you, but the closer I got to you, the further away I pushed you, the harder you pushed back and the more we hurt each other, the harder it was to stay away from you. The less I wanted to stay away from you...The more inescapably I fell in love with you. Three years ago today you took me out on a boat and held me as we watched the sun set, and I fell in love with you.” He paused to inhale deeply. “A lot has happened in those three years but not a single thing we’ve been through, not a single thing that could happen in our future, will ever take away from how much I love you. I promise.” He let go of his speech in favour of gripping both of Taguchi’s hands again, squeezing them both tightly. “For better for worse…for as long as we both live…I will be with you, as your husband. I love you.”

Taguchi nodded, his eyes filling up and Ueda smiled as he watched Taguchi take a deep breath.

“UePi.” Taguchi started, the moisture spilling a little over his eyelids and he paused. Ueda smiled, casting knowing looks towards their guests just metres away. Koki was crying too and Nakamaru was patting his back as he shook his head.

Their party of guests was a small one, just the closest and most important people to them. KAT-TUN, closer than friends, more than brothers, that unique bond that could be described only in the word member. Their immediate family, their siblings and their parents. Taguchi’s mother with tears streaming down her cheeks, who had always known and always supported them. Ueda’s own mother, with her determined expression that Ueda knew was her trying hard to accept them, against her better judgement.

Ueda looked to his father, to the warm and supportive look and then to Johnny himself, the unexpected but welcome guest aboard their vessel, floating way out in Hawaii’s waters. Then Ueda turned back to Taguchi, to the man he was here to marry, standing here beside him before their friends and family, before the registrar whose hands were clutched around the box containing both their rings.

“Taguchi Junnosuke” The registrar said gently. “Now your vows.”

“Tatsuya…” Taguchi continued, and Ueda was shaken back to reality, time seeming to restart around them and another tear trickled down Taguchi’s cheek as he cleared his throat and tried a shaky smile. “The truth is that I didn’t write any vows. I didn’t know how to put any of it into words and I thought that maybe I shouldn’t…that I should just wait and tell you everything I’m feeling in the moment. But now I wish I’d written something down because the words are still escaping me…It’s never been easy for me to express to you how I’m really feeling and that’s caused a lot of problems for us…we’ve probably spent as much time trying to stay apart over the last three years as we have together. We’ve encountered trial after trial, and we’re responsible for most of those ourselves…but I what I feel right now…what I feel as the orange glow of sunset radiates your features…what I feel is that…you’re the most important thing in the world to me.” He turned slightly to face their guests, a typical Taguchi grin shining from his face. “No offense to you guys.” He joked before scanning over them with a contemplative expression on his face and turning back to Ueda. “During my Johnny’s audition, Johnny-san himself said some very important words to me. He said ‘You, if you give up now then it’s over.’ I’ve been asked maybe a thousand times what words inspire me or what advice I’m truly thankful for, and those words are the answer I give. And I am thankful for them, if not for those words and for the people gathered with us today I might never have met you, I might never have fallen in love with you. Tatsuya…I’m glad that I never gave up. I’ve never given up on us…and I never will. I love you too baby.”

Ueda couldn’t help shaking his head with a light chuckle, it was just like Taguchi to leave it until the last moment and bumble through it, and it was just like him to make Ueda’s heart melt with such sweet words.

With the vows done, the registrar handed over their rings, Ueda taking the Claddagh ring he’d bought for Taguchi a few Christmases ago and he slipped it onto Taguchi’s finger as he repeated the registrar’s words. “I give you this ring as a symbol of our marriage and of the love I bear you.”

He held out his hand for Taguchi to return the favour, sliding his Louis Vuitton ring down as he repeated the same words and then applause broke out from their guests as the registrar announced “By the powers invested in my by the state of Hawaii, I now pronounce you husband and husband.”


	18. October 7th 2015

Taguchi found Ueda by the bow of the yacht, leaning against the railing and staring up at the night sky. For a moment he just stood in silence, gazing at his husband, but then the heard the laughter and merriment floating from the other end of the small boat and remembered his purpose.

“You know, when the party is as small as it is, the absence of one of the grooms doesn’t go unnoticed.” He said lightly, coming to stand behind Ueda, his hands coming to rest on the other man’s waist.

“Un.” Ueda agreed, turning enough to look at Taguchi’s face. “I just needed a few minutes quiet.”

The party was hardly a loud one but Taguchi understood and he nodded as he pulled Ueda closer. “It’s just for a few more hours and then we can go back to the hotel and be alone.”

Ueda smiled but he shook his head. “I’m not some horny teenager…I just meant that the quiet is nice, refreshing.”

“I didn’t mean that…” Taguchi started in protest.

“I know.” Ueda interrupted but then he shook his head and turned back to the bow, looking up once again at the stars. “It is kind of true though…tonight is special. This, here, right now, this is special…when we get back to the hotel it won’t feel the same. I know that it will be our first night together as a married couple but…it won’t be the same. I kind of wish we could have stayed out here tonight, just the two of us.”

Taguchi hadn’t even thought of that but now that Ueda had mentioned it, everything inside felt kind of jumbled. “Are we talking about more kinky boat sex?”

Ueda pushed back at him with his butt, nudging him. “Freak. I just meant n a romantic way.”

Taguchi raised his hands to Ueda’s shoulders spinning him around. “Well now you’ve got me thinking about it in a sexy way too…”

“Idiot.” Ueda laughed. “We’ll be back at the hotel soon enough.”

“It’s like you said though…it won’t be the same.” Taguchi answered, his hands sweeping from Ueda’s shoulders, down his arms to his wrists and then coming to rest on his hips.

Ueda shook his head softly but it wasn’t a denial, it was just amusement. “You’re crazy. We’re on a boat with our family and friends…”

“And we just got married.” Taguchi reminded him. “We got married under the sunset, three years to the date of the night we first made love, really knowing it was love…out here in open water beneath the sunset”

“Could we get away with it though?” Ueda answered, and the amusement was gone, replaced with a kind of longing desire.

Taguchi’s brain was running through their options, ways to hide it, ways to get rid of their family and friends just for a while. He couldn’t think of anything but something deep in his chest drew him closer anyway, his eyes locked on Ueda’s until their lips met in a desperate kiss.

Ueda moaned softly and his hands moved to Taguchi’s back, his fingers tightening in the fabric of his suit jacket, his nails raking against the smooth wool blend, scrabbling for purchase. Taguchi used his height advantage to tilt Ueda’s head back, deepening the kiss and making Ueda’s soft moans turn harsh as he pressed against him with his hips, holding him back against the railing of the boat.

His hands were still on Ueda’s waist but one moved up to his face, stroking across his cheek as the other moved to his belt buckle, but he barely had it open when a voice behind them startled them both.

“You know.” Kame started smugly as he sauntered towards them, three glasses of champagne in his hands. “As a sailor you really should know that sound travels downwind. The next time the track changes your guests will hear everything.”

“Kame…” Ueda started, nudging Taguchi a few steps back as he tried to regain his composure. “Yeah, thanks.”

“I didn’t even think about that.” Taguchi answered, straightening the front of his suit and turning to Kame. “Thanks.”

“I know how you feel.” Kame said but then a small smile played across his lips. “I mean I don’t, because I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone the way you love each other, but I hope that one day I do. For now I’ll have to settle for I think I understand. But you have a handful of guests back there and even I can’t keep proud, excited parents at bay for long.” He hands two of the glasses of champagne over to them. “Come join the party.”

Taguchi nodded lightly. “Yeah, we should.”

Both he and Ueda followed, and just as Kame had suggested, their parents were still eager to monopolise their time, trying to make plans for the future, talking about visits and holidays and houses. Even Ueda’s mother seemed happier and Tguchi couldn’t be sure if it was a change of heart or the champagne talking, but Ueda’s face lit up and Taguchi couldn’t tear him away from that a minute sooner than he had to.

There had to be an end to the frivolity though, and eventually Taguchi returned to the dashboard to return the boat to shore. Their parents and Johnny-san they insisted on returning to their hotels, but Taguchi and Ueda remained behind to clean up the boat. Kame offered to return the keys while Koki and Nakamaru stayed to help dismantle the balloons and the ribbon arch and to clear away the leftover food and drinks.

When they were done, Koki and Nakamaru helped pile everything into the taxi and Kame arrived back just in time to catch a ride back with them.

“You guys get back and get some rest, you’ll need to be up early for your flight tomorrow.” Taguchi insisted. “We can call a taxi for ourselves…”

Kame nodded and hugged each of them in thanks. “Or you could just spend the night here…”

“What?” Ueda asked, but Kame’s face just split into a grin along with Koki and Nakamaru’s.

“Spend the night here.” Kame repeated and he held out the keys that he’d taken to return to the harbour master. “She’s yours for the rest of the night, and you have clearance from the coastguard to sail. The weather should be warm enough but there’ll be blankets in the storage compartments if you get cold…or if you need them for other reasons.”

“Kame…” Taguchi said in astonishment, because it was exactly what they’d wanted, needed even.

“It took a little haggling.” Kame said sheepishly. “But that’s your wedding gift from us. Enjoy your wedding night and the rest of your honeymoon too. We’ll see you in a week.”

After a quick hug from each of their members, Taguchi and Ueda were left alone with the keys to the boat and a marriage to consummate.


	19. October 7th 2015

Ueda watched the waves parting almost peacefully as Taguchi steered them back out into the Pacific Ocean. It felt like hours they travelled for though it was probably not even one, Ueda didn't mind though. As he watched the moons reflection distorting with their passage, Ueda thought he would happily continue just like that forever.

“I could get used to this.” he sighed happily as Taguchi switched off the engine and came to join him, his arms circling around Ueda's waist while his chin came to rest on Ueda's shoulder.

“I like it too.” Taguchi said warmly and he gave Ueda's waist a light squeeze. “When we retire we'll buy a boat...one of those nice ones with a cosy cabin, and we can just live like this, out at sea.”

Ueda smiled as he heard Taguchi's voice breaking into a smile. “It would have to have two cabins.” Ueda nodded. “It would be cruel to have the dogs sleep out here on deck.”

Taguchi laughed lightly. “Wouldn't it be cruel to have dogs live on a boat all together?”

Ueda shrugged under Taguchi's grip. “Retrievers are strong swimmers...they have waterproof coats and webbed feet...”

“And they eat an absolute tonne of food.” Taguchi reminded him. “We'd need a third cabin just for dog food.”

“We're going to need a pretty big boat.” he chuckled, turning in Taguchi's hold. “Maybe we should just stick with a house and we can rent a boat on special occasions.”

“Occasions like this one?” Taguchi asked, the playfulness dropping slowly from his face as his eyes moved back and forth, seemingly across every inch of Ueda's.

“Well I wasn't planning on getting married aga...” Ueda started, but he was cut off by Taguchi's lips crushing against his.

Ueda kissed back just as hard, his lips parting to let Taguchi's tongue into his mouth while Taguchi's hand moved up into his hair, clenching his fingers into it, pulling them closer and closer. Taguchi's other hand moved from his waist to his back, pulling him closer with that one too before returning to his waist and sliding down to his ass.

Ueda moaned lightly against Taguchi's relentless lips, a haze of desire taking over his mind as a wave of arousal heated his body, bringing him to attention. He was so close to falling, to losing himself in it, but he'd been thinking long and hard about things the entire ride back out, about old traditions and new beginnings and about how important this night was despite how little the certificate they’d both signed would change for them.

With all of the willpower he could muster, Ueda pried himself away from Taguchi's embrace. Taguchi fought it, clinging to Ueda until Ueda pulled his hands away and urged him back.

“Baby, what's wrong?” Taguchi asked, his expression hurt.

It made Ueda feel so terrible that he almost shook his head and slipped back into it but instead he took hold of Taguchi's hands and smiled softly. “Let's wait a while.”

Taguchi's expression turned from hurt to confused, through panicked to amusement. “Wait? Wait for what?”

Ueda shook his head. “I just feel like...like this isn't the time for it...”

Taguchi laughed but it was back to confused. “What do you mean, we've been waiting for this right? We've done the wedding and the party and now we're here alone, on a boat under the stars and it's our wedding night...we should consummate our marriage.”

“That doesn't have to be right now though, right?” Ueda asked gently. “It could be hours from now, days, weeks...”

“Not weeks.” Taguchi interrupted and Ueda nodded but he squeezed Taguchi's hand a little tighter.

“It doesn't have to be right now, and it will still be as important when we do. Maybe more so...”

“So what is it that you want to do right now?” Taguchi asked.

Ueda dropped one of Taguchi's hands to scoot around him and lead him to the back of the boat and the small cluster of seats. “Let's talk for a while.”

A while turned into hours as they sat beside each other, a blanket draped over them, and talked about their past. They talked about the good times and the bad times and everything in between that had led them to their wedding day, and held tight in each other's arms they drifted to sleep.

It was a breeze that woke Ueda, just in time, the horizon was just starting to change colour. “Junno.” he said his voice barely a whisper and he said it again, reaching out to shake Taguchi lightly as a hint of orange crept up into a band of baby blue. “Junno wake up.”

He barely gave Taguchi enough time to properly wake up before he was tugging him up on the seat and climbing into his lap. Taguchi's eyes were barely open but his lips were awake, kissing back as Ueda kissed him, his tongue sweeping across Taguchi's lip.

“Baby?” Taguchi asked, and then moaned as Ueda's tongue entered his mouth properly, massaging Taguchi's own tongue as Ueda's hand moved to his crotch, palm spreading over his morning wood and stroking back and forth. “What's this about..?”

Ueda kissed him hard a few times. “Open your eyes.”

Ueda pulled back enough that he could see Taguchi's eyes open, see the glaze of them as his hand continued rubbing at Taguchi's erection. “Sunrise?” Taguchi asked when his eyes had focused enough.

“I thought a lot about everything that we've been through. It was difficult, and it hurt us both but it was important, because without that we wouldn't be where we are now. Without the happy times, the lazy mornings and the trips away, who knows if things would be as they are...all of that was important, but this is different, this is new. A new beginning.” Ueda explained. “Let's not dwell on past sunsets, let's start something new right now.”

Taguchi nodded in agreement. Ueda couldn't even be sure if was because he understood or if it was because his back was already arching in pleasure, his hips bucking up under Ueda's weight, desperate for contact. Ueda didn't mind all that much, this was important to him, just as the wedding was important to Taguchi.

By the time Ueda's pants were shucked aside and Taguchi's were pushed down to his ankles, the sky was a mix of purple and gold. The lavender clouds floated together as Ueda held Taguchi's bared erection in his hand, slick with spit, and their lips danced as their bodies finally connected.

Ueda shifted his hips slowly, rocking back and forth with Taguchi's arms secure around him, a blanket still draped about their shoulders as they moved together, over and over.


	20. October 16th 2015

“I got my schedule today.” Ueda announced with a grin. “Did you get yours?”

After a whole week off away in Hawaii with his new husband, it seemed a miracle to Ueda that he had another 4 days holiday before his first work meeting.

“I’m back on Wednesday.” Taguchi said with a pleased nod. “First meeting is about the script for our movie.”

Ueda’s smile dropped a little. “I have variety show meetings on Tuesday, it’s only for a few hours though and then the same as you Wednesday. Did you get the note about discussions for a second single?”

Taguchi nodded. “It must be a tie in with the movie…I can’t believe our life is movie worthy.”

“It will be.” Ueda agreed. “When we find a place. We should use these few days to go out and look at houses.”

They’d looked. Between the two of them they’d been scanning the listings in the newspapers for weeks but they had yet to actually go out and look at anything.

“You know there was an open house advertised in the local paper.” Taguchi said with a smile. “The new flats opening across from the combini just down from Gokokuji station. Since we have no plans for the rest of the day…we could go check it out.”

Ueda nodded happily and pulled the stack of newspapers on the table just a little closer. “I circled a few that would be worth looking at. I could make some calls and we could make a day of it?”

“Sounds like fun.” Taguchi answered, his bright grin making Ueda’s face light up as well. “I’ll take a shower?”

Less than an hour later, the two of them set off in Taguchi’s mini, three apartments to look at over four hours and then the open house.

The first of the apartments was too small. The living area was less than 6 tatamis and the bedroom was smaller even than that, and so with polite bows and promises to think on it, they took their leave.

The second place they looked at was more a cottage than an apartment and was much bigger, but the location wasn’t as good. It was just over an hour drive from Tokyo and fifteen to the nearest station. Ueda had fallen in love with it from the pictures and had wanted to see it despite it’s shortcomings but even the walk in wardrobes and the heated basement Jacuzzi couldn’t sway him from reality.

The third place they looked at was a happy medium between the two, the size decent and the location brilliant but they’d spent no more than five minutes in the ground floor apartment before realising it wasn’t for them. The noise was horrific, busy traffic and people constantly walking by, the dogs would be mental within a week.

“So an hour until the open house starts…” Taguchi mused as they made their way back to the car.

“We could go for lunch?” Ueda suggested. “Disappointment sure makes me hungry.”

“I’m holding out hope for this last place.” Taguchi assured him. “We already know that the price and the location are good and it’s central enough that driving to work won’t be a problem.”

Ueda hummed as he closed the passenger side door behind him. “We’ll see when we get there.”

They headed back into Tokyo for lunch, walking closely side by side through the early afternnoon rush, their hands brushing occasionally.

“You fancy sushi?” Taguchi asked, pointing to a small sushi restaurant that seemed quiet enough.

“I was thinking something more hearty, curry maybe?” Ueda answered and Taguchi smiled as he daringly took Ueda's hand and darted across the road.

“I heard about this really good place just opposite the play park.”

Ueda nodded, and followed along with him but something made him halt abruptly as they reached the play park in question and it wasn't until a figure just up ahead of them turned to the side that he realised why.

“Akanishi” Taguchi said before Ueda's mind had fully wrapped around the situation and sure enough their ex-member turned to face them, his mouth a comical circle of surprise.

“Taguchi.” Akanishi answered, and then his eyes slipped to Ueda standing beside him. “Ueda…guys…really.” And his hand ruffled his hair in that lazy affection that Akanishi always seemed to manage. “Congratulations…I heard about…well of course I heard…you know…”

“Thank you.” Ueda answered, and Taguchi nodded.

“It’s been a while, how are you doing?” Taguchi added when the seconds of silence stretched on.

“Getting by.” Akanishi answered, his tone almost sheepish. “I wanted to send a gift…flowers or a card or something, anything really but I didn’t know what to say so that you wouldn’t think I was being sarcastic or condescending. You can’t just send flowers after years of nothing…”

“It’s alright, we wouldn’t have expected anything from you.” Taguchi said, and Ueda was sure that he meant it to be reassuring but Akanishi’s expression dropped into something sober.

“No, of course you wouldn’t.” Akanishi replied and he swallowed heavily before turning away.

Taguchi reached out for his arm on impulse, halting him. “Wait. I didn’t mean it like that…I didn’t mean that…”

“He didn’t mean that we think you’re selfish or useless…sure we used to think those things, I’m sure you know that, but Kame told us…” Ueda said slowly, casting a furtive glance around. “About why you went away. We owe you an apology for the way we treated you.”

Akanishi looked momentarily shocked but then his expression slipped into something embarrassed as his hand ruffled his hair again, it was longer than Ueda remembered it. “No you don’t. You guys don’t owe me anything because no matter why I left, I left…I ran away.” He looked around as though checking on the child that was running back and forth between the climbing frame and the slide.

“We'd like to apologise anyway...” Ueda aswered. “Anyway we never got you a wedding gift or anything...so we're even”

“I think he’s still in love with you…” Taguchi said suddenly.

Akanishi snorted out something like laughter only it sounded cracked and painful. “You don’t need to do this…we talked about it properly and I know how he feels about me. The thing is that I’m not the same person that I was and Kame couldn’t accept that. It doesn’t matter either, because I have something else now, something more important to me than Kame ever was, as horrible as that sounds” and he turned to the side and called out for Theia.

“Hello.” Theia greeted politely with a small bow before clutching Akanishi's leg and shuffling behind it.

Akanishi pulled her up into his arms and kissed her cheek. “This is my daughter Theia, and she’s everything I could need.”

Ueda still wasn’t quite sure how they ended up in a family restaurant, having lunch with Akanishi and his daughter. Akanishi seemed just as bamboozled about it as they did but Ueda just smiled at the small child that was staring at him. Theia giggled and turned in Akanishi’s hold.


	21. October 16th 2015

He had a good feeling about it, he just did. It was shaping into a good day after the disappointment from the first three places they'd looked at. It had been slightly down-heartening, but then they'd bumped into an old friend, and they'd settled their differences, and things were OK, and Taguchi was heading to an open house for an apartment block that seemed just perfect and his husband was sitting quietly in the passenger seat beside him.

The apartment they were shown was for the ground floor, but there were nineteen other floors, each with five apartments and there were still plenty open to be claimed.

“There may be slight differences depending on the placement of the apartment on the floor. The back two are the mirror image to make the most of the evening sun while the front apartments get the best of the morning sun. The garbage shoots and stairs are on the left of the building, but we've ensured there will be no loss of space on that side by having a whole apartment less, meaning the left hand side apartments will be slightly bigger and come at a slightly higher price. The general layout will be exactly the same though.” the estate agent explained, leading them through the open house apartment. There were several other estate agents there too, sharks hunting prey Taguchi thought, but it didn't matter, because as long as they got the apartment of their dreams it didn't matter much who they went through.

“And they allow pets?” Taguchi checked, when he saw the frown on Ueda's face. Everything about the place seemed perfect to him, the kitchen was a decent size, the living area bigger still, big enough for Taguchi's gaming system right along with Ueda's home-gym and electric piano.

“Provided tenants take responsibility for their animals and keep them confined to their apartments there is no problem with pets.” the estate agent assured him and Taguchi grinned.

“Thank you. We'd like a few moments to have another look around.” he said, though he'd have been happy enough to put their names down there and then.

“Of course.” she answered, presenting him with her card and a small bow. “Let me know if there's anything else I can aid you with.”

With that Taguchi found himself alone with Ueda in what could realistically be a model of their new home. “So what do you think?” Taguchi asked with a wide smile, sure that there was no fault to pick.

“It's...nice...” Ueda answered and Taguchi's heart dropped into his stomach.

“It's nice?” he asked. “That's all? Baby, isn't it perfect?”

Ueda hummed under his breath and turned around a few times before walking over to the window. “I'm just worried about if it's...enough...”

“Enough what?” Taguchi snorted, utterly bemused by Ueda's attitude. “It's close enough to work, it's affordable enough...it's pet friendly enough...it's...big enough....”

Ueda's posture tensed almost imperceptibly and Taguchi's chest seemed to deflate. “Is it? Don't you think we should just think about it..?”

“What is there to think about?” Taguchi asked, dispiritedly. “It's everything we talked about...I mean yeah, there's only one bedroom but the living room is big enough that we can have the weights and the consoles and the piano and stuff in there...”

“But we said we wanted a separate room for those...” Ueda argued almost feebly, rubbing at his forehead.

“We said we'd like a separate room, is that suddenly a sticking point for you?”

Ueda looked at him straight on, his eyes apologetic and yet still firm “Yes.”

“But why...there's no need...” he started, his argument fizzling out under Ueda's stubborn glare. “What's gotten into you? What happened?”

Ueda took a deep breath and looked away from Taguchi to glance across the street again. There was a small play park just opposite and Taguchi followed his gaze until something turned uncomfortably in his stomach. “It's a nice.” Ueda said quietly. “But it's not everything that I want.”

Taguchi bowed their apologies to the estate agent on their way out, promising that he still had her card and that should they change their minds they would call her first.

“What...” Taguchi started in the car, but Ueda shifted uncomfortably, turning to face the window and Taguchi could see that Ueda wasn't ready to talk yet. “...do you want for dinner?” Taguchi finished and Ueda looked around at him almost thankfully as he shrugged.

“Why don't we get take out? It's been a long day.”

Taguchi nodded, though something felt rather wrong about it, he weirdly felt like he wanted to be needed but he didn't argue the point, it had been a long day. “Yeah sure. I'll call once we get home.”

It was silent for the rest of the journey, the sound of the tyres against the smooth road almost deafening but Taguchi didn't want to listen to the radio. When they arrived home he realised he didn't really want to stop driving either, sitting in silence, occupied, was fine, but as he parked up in spare space outside Ueda's apartment complex and turned off the ignition, his stomach tightened anxiously.

“I'll take a shower first, if that's alright?” Ueda asked, stopping for a few moments to pet the dogs that came running to see them. Taguchi hummed in response and then Ueda was away down the hall, the click of the bathroom door seeming to echo.

It was hard to settle himself, his stomach lurched as he felt the approaching storm, he felt sick and that only reminded him that he was supposed to be ordering take-out. He busied himself looking through the drawer of menus, but he didn't even feel like eating so he pulled out a selection of menus from varying cuisines laying them out along the table just for something to do.

When Ueda re-emerged from the bathroom Taguchi motioned to them with his hand, his voice almost sounding shaky. “What do you want?”

Ueda's jaw tightened just a little as he answered resolutely. “I want a baby.”


	22. October 19th 2015

They'd done about as much research as they could do. They'd tried every government advice website, they'd tried every parenting help forum, they'd even tried every sneaky legal loophole website they could find but it didn't look as though there was any hope.

“I'm sorry baby.” Taguchi told him, his expression nearing desolate as Ueda felt hot tears dripping over his eyelids. Taguchi had just hung up the phone, speaking to the Tokyo children's welfare office themselves. “Japan just isn't a progressive enough place right now...gay men can't adopt...”

He tried not to let the sob out, he didn't want Taguchi to feel even worse, this wasn't his fault. “We could go abroad...” he tried desperately but Taguchi shook his head slowly, they'd come across that on their searches but it just didn't seem a viable scam. “We could lie...one of us could go with a girl...pretend...” Taguchi started shaking his head but Ueda hurried on “You could go with Mayuko...”

“Uepi.” Taguchi said firmly, his tone soft but insistent. “That's fraud...it's illegal...and if you hadn't noticed we're public figures...they would know it was a lie, or could easily find out...it's impossible...there isn't any way...”

There was a way, Ueda didn't want to say it, he didn't want to have to, but there was another idea Ueda had been considering, it wasn't a good one but it was a last resort. Ueda shook his head pointedly. “It's not impossible.” He said, stalling, willing himself to hold his tongue but the words were there, spilling out in his desperation. “We almost had a child once...you almost had a child...we could...you could...”

Taguchi's eyes widened and Ueda knew he understood. “Are you crazy?” Taguchi asked him and Ueda looked at the ground. “What's wrong with you Tatsuya...you want me to sleep with somebody else to produce a child?” Taguchi sounded disgusted.

Ueda swallowed hard and looked back up at Taguchi. “I don't want you to...” he said slowly. “But it's the only way...”

“How can you be so selfish?” Taguchi asked, and the accusation stung but Ueda knew it would be a difficult fight, it had been difficult enough to convince himself.

“Mayuko loves you...” he continued, undeterred “She would do it if you asked her to...and you love me right?” he asked, hating the manipulation in his words.

“I do.” Taguchi answered, and then his eyes softened a little, a breath seeming to deflate him. “I do I love you...but please don't ask this of me...I can't bear the thought of being with her like that...not when I have you..”

“I could be there too...If Mayuko was OK with it, I could be there to help out...” Ueda encouraged.

“Tatsuya...” Taguchi argued “That kind of thing...it'd be ridiculous...it's impossible...” Ueda opened his mouth to butt in but Taguchi continued. “And even if it weren't...say it happened...say I got Mayuko pregnant...what happens then? She just gives us her baby? How could she do that? How do we explain that?”

“A drunken one-night stand...” Ueda suggested, it wasn't as though he hadn't thought about that already. He knew it would be rough but he knew they could do it if they really wanted to. “We fight, you get drunk and turn to the comfort of an old friend...she falls pregnant...it's perfect. Well I mean I know it's not, it's far from it, but we could apologise publicly, it will all be out in the open and we won't have to lie or to sneak around...”

“Even if that would work...you're forgetting that the baby would be Mayuko's baby too.” Taguchi argued back, his tone sounding a little stronger, angrier.

“If we talked to her...if we explained...she could even be part of it's life...just...it would be ours...if you talk to her...she loves you...”

“Stop saying that.” Taguchi said with a hint of warning in his tone, “Maybe she did once but never that much...not enough to...”

“You can't know that unless you ask her...” Ueda insisted, and then corrected himself “We ask her...please...Junno...can't we just ask?” It was a terrible idea, and a pathetic one too, Ueda knew that, but it was the only chance that they had. He knew that it was a long shot too, that what they would be asking would be too much, but he had seen the way Mayuko used to look at Taguchi and he knew that she loved him. “Junno...can't we try?”

There was still a note of irritation on his face but at Ueda's pleading it smoothed away almost completely. “I think that it's crazy.” Taguchi told him firmly. “I think it's a ridiculous thing to ask of someone, but if it's really what you want then we can talk to her.” Ueda's lips curved into a smile, it wasn't a happy one, even if Mayuko agreed, even if they did manage to have a baby of their own, there would be so much hurt along the way. Taguchi seemed to be thinking along the same tracks. “And if by some miracle she agreed, then what?”

“Then you sleep with her...I'll be involved in whatever capacity makes you most comfortable...but you're the one to...penetrate her...and you...” Ueda answered hesitantly.

“Yeah I get that part...but what after?" Taguchi asked, averting his eyes uncomfortably. "The chances of her falling pregnant from sleeping with her once...How many times do you want me to fuck her?” Taguchi asked.

“As many times as is necessary.” Ueda answered with difficulty, that thought had occurred to him too.

“What if she wanted joint custody?” Taguchi asked next.

“Then we discuss it...work out some terms...” Ueda answered, his voice a little strained. “Of course it would be unreasonable to expect her to hand over a child without any part in it's life.” He knew it would be difficult, that it would only be half of what he wanted, but anything was enough. “I would respect that the child would be hers as much as yours, and more so than mine...”

“You think that you can do that?” Taguchi asked only a little sceptically.

Ueda nodded in determined affirmation. “I know that it's an extreme idea...but it could work...just imagine that back then, imagine if Shizuka had been yours...you would have wanted joint custody right? It's just like that, only planned...” Taguchi's expression turned momentarily thoughtful and in that tiny instant, Ueda could see the memories and the associated feelings from that time, how much Taguchi had secretly hoped the baby was his and then everything that came after, the worst of their time together. “Junno, I'm sorry for everything that I put you through then...I was...”

“We'll talk to her.” Taguchi said quickly cutting off Ueda's words with nod.


	23. October 24th 2015

“I haven't agreed to a thing.” Taguchi reminded Ueda as the other smoothed down the front of his blazer and took another long sip of his long island iced tea. Taguchi was drinking beer to begin, they were having dinner once Mayuko arrived at the stylish restaurant they'd invited her to, but he needed something to calm himself down with as they waited.

“I know.” Ueda nodded in return, a small, uncomfortable smile on his beautiful features. Taguchi couldn't escape how much beauty there was in him, how entirely out of his league Ueda was, and yet Ueda had settled for him, Ueda loved him.

He loves Ueda twice over, he thought, as Ueda's eyes shined, overwhelmingly grateful and yet somehow apologetic. He would do anything for Ueda, would do anything to make him happy, he couldn't count the times he'd promised exactly that if he tried. That's how Taguchi found himself in that private room, in that high class hotel, waiting for the woman he used to fuck.

“Wow, this place is beautiful” Mayuko remarked as a staff member showed her to her seat beside them at the small table. “It's been ages since I've eaten somewhere as nice as this.”

Her tone was bright and friendly, but there was something in her expression that was bewildered, bordering on suspicious. “Thank you for coming.” Taguchi answered her as light-heartedly as he could, his chest was already tight with nerves.

“It's my pleasure, I'm glad of a night to myself for a change, Shizuka is so much trouble now that she's walking.” Mayuko explained, though her lips were wide with a grin.

“How is Shizuka?” Ueda asked and Mayuko's eyes widened ever so slightly in surprise – while polite, Ueda had never been particularly warm nor interested when it came to Mayuko.

“She's good.” Mayuko continued hastily. “Really good, she's so big now, and she can walk and she's saying more words and she just loves to dance...I have some photos if you'd like to see.”

Taguchi nodded quickly, and then gasped as Mayuko passed over her phone. He'd seen Shizuka only once or twice since she was born so it shocked him to see how different she looked, how cute. “She's gotten so big.”

“Oh here.” Mayuko said suddenly, as she flicked through the photos on her phone. “You'll like this.” And she pressed play on a video before turning up the volume.

It was a video of Shizuka dancing, it was uncoordinated and erratic, more bouncing than dancing really but Taguchi couldn't deny how adorable it was. It took longer than it should for him to recognise the song, Yorokobi no Uta. It wasn't them singing and from what Taguchi could see of the TV screen in the background he guessed it was Shounen Club, Koki's little brother's junior unit no doubt.

Taguchi smiled widely as he watched Shizuka spinning around before falling onto her bottom and laughing at the camera, her eyes almost closed with the force of her smile.

"Are you sure she's not mine?" Taguchi thought aloud, and then tried to cover it with a cough when Mayuko looked at him worriedly.

The plan was to wait until after they had eaten but Mayuko looked uneasy, and even if that hadn't have been the best opportunity to segue into their request, Taguchi suddenly felt as though she didn't deserve to be roped into to having dinner if she wanted nothing to do with them.

He waited just a moment as a waiter appeared with their drinks and then he cleared his throat. He opened his mouth to start but couldn't even find the right words. How was he meant to go about this? He glanced over at Ueda who seemed to be on his wavelength.

"Mayuko-san." Ueda started for him. "Junno and I want to ask a favour of you. It's...a huge favour and while we don't expect you to agree, we really have no other hope..."

"We don't want you to feel pressured... and if you can't answer right away...if you need time to think then..." Taguchi continued.

Mayuko watched on in discomfort and Taguchi had the faint idea that she already knew that they were going to ask.

"We want a child." Ueda said bluntly "We've looked at adoption and things like that but it's not legal for a gay couple to adopt. We've considered illegal routes but given our public image we know how easily we would be caught. The only way we would have any legal right to custody of a child, would be if that child were genetically one of ours. That leaves only for one of us to have a child naturally..."

Between them they managed to explain the whole situation, answer all of her questions and then assure her that there was really no other way. "I get it" Mayuko said finally, "And I'll think about it, I will but... I am curious why me?"

Taguchi shot Ueda a look that said he'd better not even mention the word love. "Because you're the only woman not related to either of us that really cares about one of us." Ueda answered carefully and Mayuko looked back at Taguchi, something shifting in her expression, something both longing and bitter sweet.

Ueda did mention the word love, but not until much later, not until after the plates had been cleared away and all they were left with were empty glasses, a fair number of them.

"Was I in love with him?" Mayuko mused with a light laugh. "I don't know, I'm not sure I even know what love is but do I care about him?" Taguchi felt simultaneously unnerved and excited, wary but happy, reminiscent. "I care about you a lot Guch." Mayuko continued, looking directly at him. "I want you to be happy...and I know that I need to be sensible and think about it properly, but I really want to make you happy, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to sleep with you again, or to have a child with you." She looked kind of sad all of a sudden, that bitter-sweet smile taking over her features. "You don't know how often I wish Shizuka were yours. I hope you get to be the great father that I know you can be."

“That's up to you.” Ueda said sombrely, the cheeky mood that he'd been in fading with Mayuko's words. “You're the only person we can count on, you're the only hope he has of ever getting to be a father.”

“Tatsuya.” Taguchi said in a low warning, what he was saying was true and yet Taguchi didn't want her to feel pushed into it.

Mayuko's expression was troubled, torn maybe and Ueda ignored Taguchi's warning, taking advantage of her indecision. “Come home with us...no pressure, no expectations...we could just see where things go...”

Mayuko pulled her lip into her mouth but then turned to Taguchi, watching his expression carefully “Do you want that?”

Taguchi didn't know, his mind was already fuzzy with alcohol but he was lucid enough to know this wasn't the right situation to be making these decisions. He almost said so, but he caught sight of Ueda's face, the hopeful expression, bordering on desperation. What he wanted was for Ueda to be happy, to give Ueda what he wanted and this was what Ueda wanted. Maybe the alcohol would make it easier.

After what felt like minutes he nodded, and earned two dazzling smiles in return.


	24. October 24th - 25th 2015

When the three of them had stumbled from the taxi together, dizzily tipping into Taguchi's barely-used-anymore apartment, Ueda was all soft, moist lips, urgent hands and Taguchi was on board with that. But then Mayuko was there, Ueda turning him, pressing him towards her, hands sliding into his pants, working him up as he kissed his way along her jawline and down her chest.

 

Ueda's erection was pressing into his back as Taguchi's hands slid down her slim waist and over her thigh, her skirt riding up as he hitched it up against his hip. He let a trembling hand slide up her thigh beneath it, his blood starting to run colder, his breaths escaping him and he had to force his head not to shake, force his hand to move further up and slide beneath her soaked lace panties.

 

He jerked away as she gasped, Ueda stilled behind him and he just couldn't connect the two things, It felt inescapably wrong to touch her like that with Ueda behind him, Ueda's hands on him. “I can't.” he'd said before he could stop himself, and he was pushing Ueda away, pulling his hand from Mayuko's panties and rubbing his face roughly with the other.

 

It was the most mortifying few minutes of his life, trying to reconcile and explain the contradicting feelings inside him, of not wanting to fuck someone else, but being willing to fuck someone else only not being comfortable doing it with his husband present. With a nod and a quiet dejected assurance that he understood, Ueda had left them alone, but what little mood there had been had already dissipated.

 

He looked over at Mayuko, the buttons of her blouse half open and her breasts heaving beneath it but it did nothing, even when he took a few steps forward, leaning to kiss and mouth at them, it felt wrong, Mayuko's gasps disjointed. “Sorry...I...” he started, pulling away to look at Mayuko who look back at him carefully and Taguchi could feel his interest fading entirely. She looked both hurt and understanding and Taguchi tried to smile. “I think I had too much to drink...I can't...” he looked down to save himself the rest of the words and Mayuko nodded.

 

“Yeah...I drank a lot too, this was a pretty silly idea right?” Taguchi nodded, relieved. “I'll try and extend my hotel reservations though...call me tomorrow if you think you want to try again...” Mayuko added hopefully, and buttoning up her blouse again, she left the room. 

 

 

**October 25 th 2015**

 

“You finished it?” Taguchi asked, watching as Ueda let out a long sigh and tossed the proposed movie script he'd been reading back onto the table beside his morning coffee.

 

“I'm not going to bother.” Ueda answered, his lips forming a tight line. “I thought they wanted to make something real? I was expecting something gritty, or at least dramatic...this reads like some jumped up boys love manga...”

 

“I wasn't impressed either...” Taguchi agreed. “but what can you expect when the screen-writer didn't even interview us directly.”

 

Ueda shrugged. “I don't know...I mean I guess there's the happy ending and everything...maybe it's just because of this...because of everything going on, it feels too early to decide it's a happy ending...”

 

Taguchi nodded pensively, it all seemed kind of absurd. “It's hard to remember we've barely been married a month...everything’s just so crazy...”

 

“We'll get there.” Ueda said with a determined smile and he got up from his seat on the sofa to walk over and wrap his arms around Taguchi's waist. Taguchi smiled as Ueda leaned in to kiss him, just once, just gently before pulling away. “Did you call Mayuko?”

 

Taguchi stepped back a little, the tight embrace somehow uncomfortable given the topic and what it would lead to. “She's still in town, I'll go over to her hotel tonight...”

 

Ueda looked at the floor as he nodded and Taguchi felt like a monster even if it was Ueda's idea. Even if Ueda wanted it, it had to hurt. “Thank you.”

 

“I'm sorry.” he said, his voice more dejected than he'd meant for it to sound. He'd apologised profusely already the previous night, there may have been tears even, but Ueda shook his head just as he had done then. “Last night...I'd had a lot to drink...it was all very confusing...and rushed...”

 

“I know.” Ueda answered, nodding. “It's alright.”

 

“I'll do better tonight...I'll go through with it.” he promised, his cheeks flushing at the memory.

 

It didn't go better. That night Mayuko greeted him at her hotel room door and led him in. “Do you want anything to drink?” she asked politely, but Taguchi set his jaw resolutely.

 

“No, thanks...I'd just...you know...” If Mayuko was offended she didn't show it, all she did was nod and lead Taguchi over to the bed where he perched uncomfortably on the end of it. Mayuko dropped to her knees and Taguchi only fought with himself for a moment before leaning back and letting her open his jeans.

 

He closed his eyes as her mouth wrapped around him and like that it was easy to pretend, to imagine it were his husband, his love, kneeling before him, sucking him in deep. The illusion shattered as he instinctively reached out to wind fingers into shorts spikes and found instead soft floating waves. He shook the feeling off, moving his hand to her shoulder instead and he closed his eyes tighter, leaning his head back and thinking of Ueda.

 

It was a strange thought, he hadn't thought of it in so long but suddenly he was reminded of an interesting phone call he'd had from Ueda years ago, while Ueda was away on a short break with Nakamaru. It had been a fun conversation that had ended in Taguchi instructing Ueda to finger himself over the phone, but it wasn't that that was stuck in Taguchi's mind, it was the part before that, the part where Ueda had called to shout at Taguchi for making him feel guilty about almost sleeping with someone else. He remembered the cute tone in Ueda's voice as he'd told Taguchi how he couldn't get it up because he was thinking about Taguchi and immediately Taguchi felt guilt flooding through him, and down, negating all of Mayuko's efforts in an instant.

 

Mayuko pulled away with a slight frown and Taguchi had to force himself to shake the thoughts away, to remember that this was what Ueda wanted, that he was here because Ueda wanted him to be, because Ueda wanted a child and Taguchi wanted to give one to him. “I'm sorry.” he said softly to Mayuko “My mind wandered a little...here, maybe if I...” he urged Mayuko's hand off of his wilting erection and took hold of it himself, pumping it with renewed determination, squeezing in just the right places to stimulate it back to hardness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just for reference, the phone call Taguchi is referring to is from Part 2: Chapter 19


	25. October 25th 2015

He blinked quickly, opening his eyes was worse than clenching them closed. With his eyes closed images of Ueda flitted across the backs of his eyelids, threatening another flood of guilt and questioning, but if he kept his eyes open he could see her bouncing atop him, her breasts jiggling with each rock of her hips. The eyes were worse, when their eyes met it was like a slap across the face, a gut wrenching feeling of wrong, just like the wrong feeling of her body around him. The slackness, the moisture, all of it disgusting and unappealing and Taguchi tried to force the feelings away before she felt it.

Too late. “Would it be easier for you if I faced the other way?” Mayuko asked, her voice almost embarrassed as she clearly felt his erection fading once again. “You could do me doggy style...that used to work before right?”

Taguchi thought back to that time, to the first time he'd taken her that way, how his mind had been full of desperation and longing, need for Ueda. He thought how every time after that he'd taken her the same way, burying his head in the back of her neck keeping his mind carefully blank so that his feelings for Ueda didn't take over him again, drag him down.

He felt the old shame washing through him and he shook his head. He couldn't do it, not like that, not as many times as it took. He didn't know how many times he'd slept with Mayuko back then, and how even though they hadn't been trying either way, he'd never gotten her pregnant. There was just no way to know how long it would take, how many unbearable times he'd sleep with her before they got what they wanted, if they got it.

“Guch...” Mayuko said softly, letting his flaccid cock slide out of her. “You don't want to sleep with me do you?”

She looked a little disappointed but not terribly hurt, Mayuko was always understanding beyond what he deserved. “No.” he admitted.

With a conceding sigh, she swung her leg back over him and moved to sit beside him as he shuffled up to rest against the headrest. “Then why did you agree to this?” she asked.

“Tatsuya...” Taguchi answered though he knew it wasn't an explanation. “We fight...a lot...or maybe not a lot but we have big fights...things aren't easy for us.” It sounded lame even to his own ears, everyone has troubles, he knows that. “I've done so many things to hurt him and yet he still wants to be with me...he married me...” Mayuko looked surprised but Taguchi pushed on before she could comment. “I will do everything within my power to make sure he doesn't regret it...and he wants a child.”

“Do you?”

“Of course I do” Taguchi half snapped but when Mayuko just continued to look at him expectantly, knowingly maybe, he shook his head lightly. “Not like this. I don't want to sleep with anyone else, I thought if it was you then I could, that maybe it would be OK...but...”

“I like you...Guchi, I really like you, and yeah I would love to have sex with you as many times as it takes to produce a child and yeah I would love to have a child with you. But...I won't, I won't unless you're certain it's what you want.”

Taguchi let his head fall into his hands, he couldn't think straight, there were too many thoughts spinning round, too many feelings mixed with old memories and all of it piling up, making his head ache and his eyes sting. “I don't know what I want...”

Mayuko's hand brushed the back of his head softly. “Go home, talk to Tatsuya. Take as long as you need to figure things out and when you have, I'll be there if you need me.”

Taguchi nodded and dressed in silence, muttering only a quiet, but genuine 'Thank you' before letting himself out of the room. He knew that Ueda would know he hadn't done it, he was home far too early, so he steeled himself for his explanation as he let himself back into Ueda's apartment.

“You're home early.” Ueda said almost suspiciously as Taguchi knew he would.

“Baby...”Taguchi started. “I'm so sorry...I couldn't...I...”

Ueda's eye narrowed a little. “When can you try again? How long is Mayuko here for?”

Taguchi was caught off guard a little. “I don't...know...Tatsuya...what I'm trying to say is that I can't do it...”

Ueda's expression looked half frustrated half disbelieving. “What do you mean? Junno...you just have to fuck her, you don't have to like her...”

“It's not as simple as that...” Taguchi argued.

“How?!” Ueda countered, his voice rising a little. “You've fucked her before.”

“It doesn't feel right...even just kissing her when I'm with you...I love you”

“You loved me when you were fucking her before didn't you?”

“Yes.” Taguchi agreed. “And maybe that's something to do with it. When I try, everything feels wrong, it feels like before...I was so miserable back then...trying to be with her like that again...”

“But it's not like that any more...this is completely different...you're doing it for us...”

“I don't think I can.” Taguchi said, defeated. “My head is so mixed up...I don't know if I'm even OK with this..so right now I just can't...”

“Junno.” Ueda said, his voice angry but pleading. “Just think of what we're getting out of this though...we could have a child, our own child Junno and you just have to fuck her a few times...afterwards it'll seem like nothing...just a few quick fucks...”

Taguchi snapped. “I said it's not as simple as that!”

“How is it not?” Ueda shouted back.

“If you think it's that simple then you do it!”

Ueda gave an unamused snort. “With Mayuko?”

“With anyone...go to a bar and fuck some random sluts...it's just a few quick fucks right?”

Ueda glared at him but didn't answer for a few moments, when he did his voice was quiet, colder. “If that's what it's going to take then I'll do it...”

Taguchi opened his mouth to retort but there was nothing he could say to that, he couldn't be sure if Ueda would, if Ueda could, he remembered that phone call again. “You couldn't.” he settled for.

Ueda didn't answer, just continued to look defiantly at Taguchi as he crossed the room and then slammed the door shut behind him. Taguchi wanted to call after him, to say that he hadn't meant it, but part of him was sure that Ueda wouldn't anyway and that part of him wanted Ueda to understand. Before he could make the decision, the front door of Ueda's apartment slammed closed and Taguchi slumped down into the nearest armchair with a sigh.


	26. October 25th 2015

 

 

“Vodka straight please.” Ueda almost demanded, his palm coming down against the counter of the bar. The barman raised an eyebrow but didn't comment as he made a show of getting a glass and tipping ice into it. He tipped one measure into the glass but before he'd even raised the bottle again Ueda stopped him. “Keep going.”.

 

Ueda nodded when the third measure almost filled the little tumbler and the barman nodded back before sliding him the glass. “Rough night? Should I open a tab?”

 

“Thanks.” Ueda said with a nod, half-flopping onto the barstool closest to him. He finished his drink in two gulps and slid the glass back over to the bartender. He wanted to get drunk, he wanted to forget the stupid fight and he wanted to forget that there was a gaping hole in his life. If he couldn't get that drunk, he at least wanted to get drunk enough to get in the pants of the least skanky looking slut in the bar. What he didn't want was to throw up from drinking too quickly, so he asked for a jack and coke next so that he could pace himself as he scoured the floor for a target.

 

It took another jack and coke and few gin and tonics before he was quite ready to make a move but eventually he paid his tab and pushed himself off of his stool, half staggering towards the dance-floor. He was vaguely aware of someone calling his name as he passed but he just ducked his head and kept walking, the less attention he attracted while trying to chat up women in bars the better.

 

There was a blonde girl over in the corner, pretty enough and Ueda considered her carefully, caught her eye and started to head over. The thought hit him half way over that maybe Taguchi wouldn't want a half foreign baby and then the very thought winded him. He stopped dead, his stomach twisting and images flashed behind his eyes of Taguchi sitting at home in tears while he laid some foreign beauty out over her sheets.

 

“Ueda.” he heard more clearly from behind him and he tried to shake it off, to remember that this was what he wanted, he wanted a child and Taguchi had actually told him to go out and do it. He shook his head and tried to prepare a smile as he started walking again.

 

He'd reached her, he held out his hand to take hers and tugged her closer, his body swaying to the music and hers followed, pressing close to him. He let his hands fall to her waist, feeling the curves beneath his palms and he inhaled slowly, the soft floral scent wafting off of her so alien to him.

 

“Ueda.” he heard again more angrily this time and from right beside him, but the last person he expected to see when he turned his head was Shige.

 

Shige grabbed one of his hands from the girls waist and tugged him away. “Woah, woah.” Ueda protested as Shige dragged him right out of the club and onto the street. “What the hell are you doing?” he asked, forgetting his manners.

 

“I should ask you the same thing.” Shige answered affronted. “Who was that girl?”

 

“I don't know.” Ueda replied, shaking his head a little.

 

“You were just grinding against a girl you don't know?” Shige pushed, his expression exasperated.

 

“It's complicated.” Ueda said in defence.

 

Shige shook his head and sighed. “I'm getting you a taxi.” Miraculously, it took no more than a minute or two for Shige to flag down a taxi, and Ueda was still in the middle of protesting when he was bundled roughly into the back seat. Shige climbed in behind him. “What's your address?”

 

Ueda stayed silent long enough to earn a tongue click. “I can't go home right now.” he finally answered “It's complicated.” Shige sighed again and gave what must have been his own address.

 

Shige remained silent for the short ride to an apartment building and then he tugged roughly on Ueda’s arm after the taxi stopped and he paid their fare. “Come on.” Ueda followed obediently as Shige lead him through a communal entrance and up two flights of stairs before heading along a corridor and finally opening a door. “So what were you doing in that club?” Shige asked.

 

Ueda had started to wander around the living room curiously but the question stopped him short and instead he let himself fall onto the sofa with a long exhale. “I fought with Junno.”

 

“So you were going to cheat on him?” Shige asked, his expression stony and more angry than Ueda had ever seen it.

 

“Not exactly.” Ueda answered honestly. “It’s…” he wanted to say complicated, but he was vaguely aware that he’d said that enough times already. “We’re going through a rough patch…and I want things to work out but things are out of our control…I was going to do what I had to.”

 

“I’m not good at helping people with problems.” Shige said, but his tone was less angry now, more pitying maybe. “But if there’s anything you want to talk about, I’m a good listener.” He came over from the kitchen with two open bottles of beer in his hand and he held out one for Ueda before starting on his own.

 

“You're dating Koyama right?” Ueda asked bluntly after a long moment of thought.

 

Shige let out what Ueda thought was a nervous chuckle. “Am I setting off your gaydar?”

 

Ueda shook his head. He didn't know what it was that made him think it, but somehow it felt like he'd kind of always known. “Since when?”

 

Shige let out a slow sigh and turned around to flop back onto the sofa beside Ueda. “Since just after our debut” he answered, taking a small sip of beer. Ueda spat out a little of his but Shige just turned to him and fixed him a serious look. “It's not common knowledge alright?”

 

“How have you kept it a secret for that long?” Ueda asked him in astonishment.

 

“We're just careful about it.”

 

“But...” Ueda protested. “How...what about...” There was so much to ask, so much he had to learn and yet somehow the thoughts escaped him.

 

“It's difficult sometimes.” Shige answered. “Seeing each other when we're not working together, finding time, making excuses...being apart...”

 

“What about kids?” It came from nowhere and yet it was exactly the thing he needed to know. “Koyama...he's the mother hen kind...doesn't he want children?”

 

“He wants them.” Shige answered slowly and Ueda could read the despair in his expression, this argument was as tired for Shige and Koyama as it was for them. “But he wants me more...” Something struck a chord with Ueda, something deep and strong and his mind was only just wrapping around it when Shige continued. “The way I see it...a person can have anything in the world that they want so long as they want it enough, so long as it's what they want the most. There may be things that they have to sacrifice for it, things that they want almost as badly...but it's OK, because they can still have that one thing that they want most of all, the one thing they'll do anything for. Kei wants children, but I can't give him that, and if it's a choice between the two things...he wants me more...so he accepts that we won't have children...”

 

Ueda felt like he'd been slapped. Shige's words made complete sense, if there's one thing that you want above all else, then you can have it, possibly at the expense of all else, but you can have it. It shocked him how true it was, and then even more so that he already knew, that he'd already been told more than two years ago.

 

'Do you love him more than anything else in the world?' Kame had asked him. 'Really? More than _anything?_ Then you should be with him.' For more than ten years KAT-TUN had been his entire life and yet twice he'd risked it, all of it, to be with Taguchi. 

 

“I have to go.” Ueda said suddenly, rising to his feet without really thinking. He loves Taguchi, loves him more than anything...Taguchi is the thing that he wants more than anything, the one thing he wants at the expense of all else. At the expense of children. “I have to go.” he repeated.

 

“Good, go back to him.” Shige answered with a smile.

 

Ueda stopped on the way to the door, something catching his eye and somehow shaking him back to lucidity without him even really noticing. A poster, and it triggered a memory, an idea. “Shige...you're first book is coming out as a movie right? Did you do much work on it in regard to the screen play?”

 

“Not really.” Shige admitted. “I mean they consulted with me about stuff but there were a team of writers to do the adaptation. I was a little more involved in the drama scripts for my short stories though.”

 

“Yeah?” Ueda asked, intrigued. “Do you think you could do it? Write a screen play yourself?”

 

“By myself?” Shige asked, surprised. “I guess so, it would be a lot of work though”

 

“The rumours are already going around I know, but Johnny has commissioned a movie about Me and Taguchi, cashing in on the media hype I suppose...but the script we were handed just didn't feel right...it was all fluffy and exciting and it had none of the grit and the pain...it was fake and it was...” he stammered, trying to find the right words.

 

“Like they didn't understand?” Shige asked with a wry smile.

 

“You could write it...you could do it justice...not just for us...”

 

Shige considered him for a long time and then let our a resigned sigh. “I've already paraded my own personal life as much as I dare in my books...this is going to be all you...I'm going to ask awkward questions and I'm going to make you out to be the muddled up idiots you are...”

 

Ueda nodded. “That's all we want.”

 

“I'll speak to Johnny-san.” Shige said with finality, and Ueda turned to leave, a new spring in his step as he took two steps at a time on the his way down the apartment complex stairs. He couldn't wait to get home to Taguchi.


	27. October 25th 2015

“Did you do it?” Taguchi asked the moment Ueda walked through the door,.

Ueda paused by the entrance to the living room and shook his head slowly “Of course I didn't...I had every intention of doing it but in the end...I can't...Junno I'm so sorry.”

He sighed, a sigh that wasn't anywhere near the size of the relieved one he felt sagging in his chest. “It was just a stupid fight.”

“Not just about the fight.” Ueda amended. “About all of this. Junno I did it again...everything was perfect and I pushed for more...I pushed for impossible and all I did was hurt you...I always do this, I make a mountain of nothing and it only hurts us both. I just want it to stop.”

“But what about a baby?” Taguchi asked, he couldn't just forget.

“I want a baby, I do, I still really, really do, but not this much, not like this. What I want more than a baby is for us to be together and to be happy...” Ueda assured him.

“Do you mean it?” He wanted to believe it, he wanted to so badly but the pain was still raw enough that he couldn't quite forget how many other times they'd thought that what they had was all they could want, how many other times there'd been something else.

“I swear.” Ueda promised. “If I ever suggest anything so stupid again then punch me...”

Taguchi nodded sombrely, but then his lips started to twitch at Ueda's serious expression. Like he'd take on a boxer. He righted his expression quickly because there was more, other things that they'd decided on that were left hanging. “And the apartment?” he asked hopefully.

Ueda nodded quickly. “I'll call the realtor tomorrow” Then he looked sheepishly down at the ground. “And I'll apologise to Mayuko for dragging her into this.” Taguchi owed her an apology too, both of them had been so unreasonable, so obtrusive. “I've been an asshole this past week.”

It felt like it had been more than a week, it felt like this tension had been hanging over them for months rather than days. It felt like months since their wedding night. “We're supposed to be basking in the honeymoon period still...” Taguchi said glumly.

“It's not too late to go back to that...we didn't do anything stupid.” Ueda said hopefully and Taguchi felt his heart dropping into his stomach, could they really say that?

“I did.” he admitted. “When I was at Mayuko's...I...we...” he swallowed heavily as understanding dawned cross Ueda's face, overshadowed quickly by some mix of disappointment and guilt. “It didn't feel right...and I couldn't finish...but...”

Ueda shook his head slowly, a sad smile forming on his lips. “It doesn't matter what you did...it was for me. I'm the one to blame for that. Junno, I'm so sorry that I put you through that...”

Taguchi shook his head. “You didn't. I...”

Ueda cut him off again. “I did. I know I did, I knew even before I invited her back with us that you were unsure...when she came back then I was sure you were unsure, and when we sent her home...I pushed you to try again, I guilted you into it even though I knew you didn't want to. I should never have done that...”

He could hear the thickness in Ueda's voice and his own felt just as thick when he used it again “It's OK.”

“It's not.” Ueda insisted, a few tears dropping as he shook his head. “Tell me what I can do to make it up to you.”

What Taguchi wanted to say was that Ueda didn't need to do anything, that Taguchi would forgive him no matter what because that's what love is. He knew that Ueda would argue though, so instead he tried a shaky smile. “You could help me forget what she felt like...”

Ueda nodded quickly. “Anything.” Ueda was in his arms in seconds and Taguchi wrapped them around him. It felt, for just a fleeting moment like everything was going to be alright. Taguchi inhaled deeply, held on to the feeling because he knew, somehow, that they would be. They've come through hardships before, they will go through them again no doubt, all that mattered was that Ueda was here with him, willing to try.

“I love you.” Taguchi said, looking down at the love of his life, his best friend, his husband “I love you so fucking much.”

“I know.” Ueda answered. “I love you too...”

“I know.” Taguchi replied, his hand stroking Ueda's cheek, stroking away a week, what felt like more than a weeks worth of tears, of heartache. “As long as we have that...we have everything.”

“How could I think I wanted anything more than this?” Ueda asked, his voice quiet. Taguchi didn't answer, but his eyes roamed Ueda's face as his thumb stroked over Ueda's cheekbone and then he leaned in to kiss Ueda deeply.

Ueda kissed him back slowly jut a couple of times, and then he pulled away, his hands finding Taguchi's and coaxing him along with him as he half turned and lead the way down the hallway to the bedroom.

As soon as Ueda was on the bed, Taguchi climbed on after him, pushing him down onto his back so that he could lean over and kiss him again, and it was easy, just like that to sink into it. It was nothing like kissing Mayuko, Ueda's lips were just the perfect amount of plush with that edge of roughness that made Taguchi feel simultaneously in control and vulnerable. They were the perfect amount of moist, sliding just right against his own and when they parted there was just the right amount of pressure, the right amount of demanding in the movement of his tongue.

When Taguchi peeled the clothes from Ueda's body, it was the body he longed for, firm and toned, muscular, strong. His lips roamed across Ueda's chest, flicking momentarily at a nipple before moving down, kissing his way along the ridges and dips of Ueda's abs and the sound that Ueda let out at the sensation was more grunt than moan. It was even more grunt than moan once their clothes were removed, as Taguchi slid lubed fingers into the tight muscle of Ueda's ass. It was just the right amount of pressure, the perfect slide, his fingers both protested and sucked in while Ueda pushed back against his hand.

And when their bodies finally united it was bliss. It was perfect. Taguchi felt like he could never want anything else but to be connected to this man, to Ueda, for the rest of his life.

“I love you.” Taguchi gasped, because it felt like he could never say it enough. “I love you.” and he kissed Ueda hard, his hips driving harder, pushing into the body that was the perfect tightness, the perfect slickness.

Ueda moaned, his hips canting ever so slightly, his hand around his cock moving faster, his other hand weaving into Taguchi's hair, clenching so hard it almost hurt, tugging Taguchi's head down and Ueda was kissing him just the right amount of rough.

“I love you.” Ueda answered gruffly, right before Taguchi saw stars. Orgasm surging through him, and the walls constricting around him with Ueda's orgasm only took him higher, floating, his hips slowing, then stopping, and their mouths found each other once again as they struggled to catch their breaths through unrelenting kisses.

“Shige said he'll talk to Johnny about writing a script for our movie.” Ueda said airily what might have been hours later, his head rising and falling with Taguchi's steady breathing.

“Shige?” Taguchi asked, his hand pausing in it's stroking of Ueda's hair.

“I bumped into him while I was out.” Ueda admitted. “He may have stopped me from doing something stupid and talked a bit of sense into me. He gets it.” He paused slightly as though he hadn't meant to say it but continued anyway “He understands what we're going through, and he's a good writer, he'll be able to tell them all the truth.”

“He understands?” Taguchi asked. “Koyama?” he didn't wait for Ueda's reply. “That day in the elevator...when the poll results came in...didn't I tell you!”

“You were right.” Ueda confirmed. “Since forever...I don't think they're planning on coming out though. They're happy with as much as they have now. I hope we can find that kind of happiness.”

“We've got plenty of time to work on it. For as long as we both shall live right?”


	28. Epilogue

Taguchi doesn't exactly have the best track record when it comes to doing things behind Ueda's back, but he knows he can't go wrong here and he wants it to be a surprise, besides, he doesn't know how many dogs they'd end up with if he took Ueda on a tour of the city’s dog shelters with him.

He doesn’t know what he’s looking for, but despite feeling sorry for every single one of the dogs he’s seen in the two rescue centres he’s visited so far, none of them have felt quite right for them.

As he walks around the third rescue centre, he still doesn’t know what he’s looking for but the moment his eyes land on a little ball of grey, black and white fur, he knows he’s found it.

“She sure is a pretty little thing but those bright blue eyes come at a price.” The carer explains when Taguchi points her out. “She's deaf, she’s going to be a lot of work, but she’s got collie in her so she’s smart and she’s still young enough to learn easily.”

It’s kind of perfect really, Taguchi thinks, he knows a puppy isn’t a replacement for a child and he knows that it wouldn’t be fair on the puppy to try and make it one, but having a puppy with special needs will be both tiring and rewarding, and that should be enough for them for now. He doesn’t say that aloud, just answers with a simple “We have quite a lot of experience with dogs, I’m sure we’ll be able to adapt to her needs.”

It’s easier than he’d expected, there are a few forms and he has to give his details so that they can check in on the puppy in the next few weeks, but twenty minutes later he’s walking back down the sidewalk with their new puppy in his arms and already he’s thought of the perfect name for her.

When he arrives home he hears the TV playing low in the sitting room and he pokes his head through to tell Ueda to close his eyes.

“What’s going on?” Ueda asks sceptically.

“I did something impulsive.” Taguchi admits. “I just had this idea and I knew that it would make us both happy so I went with it…open your eyes.” Ueda opens his eyes and gasps at the sight, Taguchi can feel the little dog’s tail wagging ferociously against his side. “Uepi, I'd like you to meet our new baby. I hope you don't mind but I already named her…her name is Blue.”

Ueda shakes his head with a laugh, his eyes filling up with tears as he steps forward to tussle her fur. “Our baby, Blue.”


End file.
